What will make it better? Are there moments when you forget that you are alone now? Did the cards sent and graveside flowers make you miss any less? Does it help to know that people are here for you, or would you rather not hear another apology and offer of kindness? Why do these things happen? why do the rest of us get to continue on with every day while you stop and hold, and hold nothing? How much life do you have to live? A sacrifice that I cannot make and will not make, and you did, and now it's over. Life should be starting over. Instead, it is starting backward.
It's so easy to take for granted the day-to-day. Meals together, morning-breath kisses, having extra laundry to wash. I do it constantly. He comes home, we explain our days, finally remember to greet him with a hug and kiss, and then it's into the kitchen for dinner making and dish washing. End the day with the same routine and back again tomorrow. Wanting to take advantage of every moment, yet still trapped in the same old.
Sorry doesn't cut it for you, so I won't say it again. I will be angry for you and sad for you and confused for you. I will ask God why and still have no answer. I will run. And I will hope that you can heal, but I wonder if you will, and I don't know if you should. I would take a little away. Just a little. I could not handle it all.
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