Optimism

Last Thursday night, I watch a show hosted by Michael J. Fox called "Adventures of an eternal optimist". He was discussing his Parkinson's Disease and how hopeful he is for a cure. He traveled to various places and talked to people who have a positive outlook on life. I have never considered myself to be an optimist by any means. In fact, I have always leaned, okay ran straight into, the pessimistic side of things. I am a self-proclaimed worrier. I am one who wakes up every day and thinks, "If I can just get through this day without anything bad happening to me or anyone that I know..." But things seem to be turning around for me lately.
I don't know what it is but I am starting to see the good, the positive in every situation that faces me. I have discovered that I am...brace yourselves...happy with my life. I know that sounds a little crazy but I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for, and those things make me happy. I feel fortunate to have a job, a great job that I enjoy, especially when so many are out of work. I feel lucky to have such a devoted husband, especially when I see so many marriages crumbling around me. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful child, especially when there are so many people who can't have children, or simply don't appreciate the gift that children can be.
I don't have every material thing that I would like to have. I want a house instead of an apartment. I would love to have a boat to enjoy on the weekends. I would like to weigh 115 pounds again. But not one of those things can make me feel any happier than I am today. They can certainly be contributors though! I am learning to look for the silver lining, and even if it isn't immediate, and I can't see it in the middle of the situation, it will be there eventually.
I have spent a great deal of time in my life feeling sorry for myself, worrying about what is happening, what happened, what is going to happen. I have tried very hard to change my circumstances when what I should have been doing all along was changing my reaction to those circumstances. I can't always have a hand in the way things go. I can't always pick what will happen next. I can, however, choose how it will effect me, how I will respond to it. I am choosing to be happy. I am choosing to be an optimist. I want to see the good in people, in situations, in a world that seems to be nothing but bad news.
Now the reality is that there are days when being optimistic is easier than others. I am, by no means, one of those people "a la Rachel Ray". You know, the kind that you want to punch in the face, just to see if you can give them something to cry about. I am not being fake. In fact, I think that this is the closest to being myself that I have ever felt. It feels good to wake up every day and notice all the blessing that I have been given. I have never done that before.
So maybe this is a passing phase, but I hope not. I would like to stay in this mindset and really start enjoying life for once. I know that there are going to be those days when I just melt down for various reasons, but happiness and optimism are new choices that I am making. We'll see how it goes...