So last night I went to my best friend Tracy's baby shower in South Carolina. After college I lived with Tracy in that small town for about 6 months so I know quite a few people from the church. I walked into the shower and a lady named Miss Mary came over and gave me a hug. Then, it all turned to poo!! She rubbed my tummy and asked me how far along I was. Oh yeah! As you can imagine, this caused my self-esteem to sky rocket! I explained that I had a baby nine months ago but just hadn't managed to get rid of all the baby weight yet. I walked away from the conversation pretty quickly after that and thought about the consequences of whooping an old lady's ass in the church parking lot after the shower was over. She is officially on my LIST!
The moral of the story is unless you know for a fact that someone is pregnant, don't ever ask them! Ever! Never! Ask someone else who knows that person if they are pregnant but Never, Ever, under any circumstance, ask someone how far along they are.
So on a different note, I started my eating disorder today...
Friday, March 28, 2008
Monday, March 03, 2008
Lonliness versus being alone
Before Luke was born, Brian was in school getting his MBA. He had class ever Thursday night and I loved it. He was gone before I got home from work and I was usually in bed before he got home. I planned every Thursday night meticulously. I would stop on my way home from work and pick up some dinner, change into my PJ's as soon as I got home and spend the evening catching up on the shows I had recorded all week. I rarely ever answered my phone if it rang. When I was pregnant, I would sit and read books about babies. I had a whole night just to do whatever I wanted. I was alone and it was amazing. I love being around people but those Thursdays were wonderful times for me.
Now I am faced with a whole different situation. I am alone, and lonely. Since we have been in Charlotte, I have learned what it is to really be lonely. I don't know anyone, save a friend who just had a baby two weeks ago so she is exempt, and it is starting to take it's toll on me. I am a social person, so when I spend a week not talking to anyone but Brian and Luke, I find that I am striking up conversations with the lady at the store who is just simply trying to scan my groceries. Poor lady. I go days, even weeks without hearing from anyone and for some reason, I can't make the outbound calls. I have nothing to say. I can only talk about how Luke is doing so much. Not every one wants to hear about his poo.
I have tried to force myself to go to a mom's group in the area but I just can't hurdle it. We have found a church that we like and I am hoping that somewhere down the line I can make friends that way, but for now, it's horrible for me to even go to church because I feel so alone in a huge crowd of people. It's a feeling I have never known before and, honestly, I am not handling it well. I need companionship. I need to sit down over a cup of coffee and pour my heart out about everything and absolutely nothing. I need someone to go with to the mall or the park or for a walk around the neighborhood. I need someone here who sees my child growing and becoming a little boy and recognizes it because they have been with us this whole time. I need a friend, simply and purely. a physical, tangible, face-to-face friend, and I pray that I can find even just one.
Now I am faced with a whole different situation. I am alone, and lonely. Since we have been in Charlotte, I have learned what it is to really be lonely. I don't know anyone, save a friend who just had a baby two weeks ago so she is exempt, and it is starting to take it's toll on me. I am a social person, so when I spend a week not talking to anyone but Brian and Luke, I find that I am striking up conversations with the lady at the store who is just simply trying to scan my groceries. Poor lady. I go days, even weeks without hearing from anyone and for some reason, I can't make the outbound calls. I have nothing to say. I can only talk about how Luke is doing so much. Not every one wants to hear about his poo.
I have tried to force myself to go to a mom's group in the area but I just can't hurdle it. We have found a church that we like and I am hoping that somewhere down the line I can make friends that way, but for now, it's horrible for me to even go to church because I feel so alone in a huge crowd of people. It's a feeling I have never known before and, honestly, I am not handling it well. I need companionship. I need to sit down over a cup of coffee and pour my heart out about everything and absolutely nothing. I need someone to go with to the mall or the park or for a walk around the neighborhood. I need someone here who sees my child growing and becoming a little boy and recognizes it because they have been with us this whole time. I need a friend, simply and purely. a physical, tangible, face-to-face friend, and I pray that I can find even just one.
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