Are you kidding me?

So I have just spent the last hour looking online for "mom's groups". I have never done anything like this before but thought that it would be a good way for me to meet some other mothers and try to make some friends here in Charlotte. It is so daunting! There are a million groups to choose from and I don't think that I fit into any of the categories. "Super mom-the group for mothers who can handle it all". "Fit mommies-for the mom that loves to exercise and already has her prepregnancy figure back". "Shopping moms-we power-walk the mall and look for great bargains". "All about our kids-for the moms who want to live vicariously through their children".
How about groups like, "what the hell am I doing?" and "Does anyone know a good babysitter?" and "I'm just trying the best that I can!"? and I would also like to start a group called, "I am never going to fit into my skinny jeans again, and that's okay."
We bought a kitchen table on Craig's list and when we went to get it, the couple had 3 month old twins, a boy and a girl. They were beautiful and very tiny, especially compared to Luke, even when he was that age. The mother kept telling me to call her and she would show me around Charlotte. She stays home and would love to have some company. I heard a certain desperation in her voice, "For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE come and hang out with me so that I can remember what it feels like to have an adult conversation!" Being a mother is scary. I have had it easy so far, I think. As awkward as our situation has been, I haven't really been alone with Luke yet. Brian or his mom have been with me since the beginning. Frankly, I am terrified of the day that Brian goes back to work and it's just me and Luke. I don't know how I will handle it. Maybe it will be great and I will magically have all of my free time back. Luke will start feeding himself and changing all of his own poopie diapers because he knows that they make me want to vomit. He'll have the coffee ready by the time I roll out of bed, and I can go and take a shower because he's just going to watch some Veggie Tales and read the paper. Okay, so I know these things aren't going to happen but I just don't know how it will be. I hope that I am ready for it. Really, I am just a little scared!

Extreme Makeover

So now that there is no more Sunday night football (boo hoo), I couldn't find anything to watch other than "extreme Makeover: Home Edition". This show gets me every single time. These families that are so needy, that have nothing, or have special needs to survive...it just tears me up. Tissues come out, and the waterworks come on.
I started to watch this tonight and thought back over the last year. The year that was so rough for us. I realized how truly blessed we have been. At no point, was my child sick. At no point, were we without a roof over our heads, even though it wasn't always OUR roof. There was never a time that we were hopeless, desolate, hungry, broke, tormented. In our eyes things were rough. We had gone through a rash of things that we have never experienced before, but we were cared for and we found this great new love. There is just nothing like the love that I feel for Luke. I tried to explain how different it is from what I feel for Brian, or my family and friends. It's not stronger, but it's just different. That love has changed so many things for me.
I understand what it means to want to sacrifice for him. I would give every single thing that I have on this earth and in heaven for him to be happy and healthy, and to shelter him from any heartache. I told him tonight how proud I am to be his mommy, how blessed I feel and how God chose him just for me, so that I could be his mommy. I know that he doesn't understand it but I always want him to know.
So the Garvin's, or at least this Garvin, have had a sort of makeover this year. I have never, ever, ever felt that God loves me as much as I feel he does now. I feel like I want to live a better life and be faithful to commitments and friends and family that I cannot ever replace. I want to be the very best that I can be to show God my gratitude for sustaining us though our rough spot and for teaching me so many lessons along the way. I just want to be better. It's just so easy to say, and something totally different to do...

Another birthday!!

On the first day of every year, not only do I get to welcome in another year, I also get to celebrate another birthday. This year was a little different than what I am used to. We were here in Furman and there wasn't much to do. For New Year's Eve, Brian and I went to the drive-in. We thought that it might be a while before we get to that again so we thought that we would take advantage while we still have a babysitter. It was cold but we really enjoyed our night out. We got home in time to watch the ball drop and leap into the new year (thanks Matt).

I guess the saying, "Out of sight, out of mind" really is true. I don't expect a real fuss over my birthday anymore. The older you get, the more it really just becomes another day, but I do look forward to hearing from my friends and family. This year though, I only heard from a very small handful, and, unfortunately, text messaging has replaced the usual phone calls. Luckily, my parents don't know how to text message so I did hear from them. I guess that it's just nice to be thought of on that one day and to feel special and loved. I know that I drop the ball quite a bit on the birthday thing. My Space birthday reminders have become a lifesaver, sadly enough. It's not like when you are a kid and you get all your friends together, put on party hats that match the plates, the napkins and everything else in the room, and have a huge cake in your favorite flavor. Brian tried very hard this year to find a coconut creme pie, which is my favorite, but couldn't get one. We settled for boston cream cake which is a close, very close second.

My point (I'll get to it eventually) is that I really want to be that person that remembers birthdays and anniversaries and calls and sends cards. I don't know if I can be that efficient, but I am going to try!!