Last night Brian and I were having a conversation about some things in our marriage. It wasn't an argument, but just touching base about a couple of different issues. It was late and we were both tired and I wasn't really thinking clearly. I spoke without thinking and really hurt his feelings, I think. He got out of bed and let the dog out immediately. I knew as soon as it left my mouth that I had not chosen my words carefully. I couldn't seem to fix it after that either. I tried to explain what I meant, explain away my poor choice and I couldn't. We agreed that we should just go to sleep and talk about it today, which we haven't gotten to do yet because he is at work. (Oh yeah, I am unemployed right now, sort of)
I really hate that I let my mouth move faster than my head. Growing up, there was a lot of yelling in our house. That was the way we communicated and argued points. But the point got muddled by the yelling. I dated a guy once that would not even talk to me when I started this irrational behavior and it frustrated me to no end. I wanted to yell! I thought it was necessary to make my point. If I could yell louder than anyone else, I would win the argument just on that merit. Thank God I got over that! Brian hates yelling also so we discuss things. We keep to the subject and try to be calm and rational. We have the most well-thought out arguments, always being mindful of the others feelings and trying not to stray from the issues.
But last night I really just blew it and I can't take it back and I can't fix it. I know that we will talk about it this afternoon and all will be well. I just think that too many times we can save our feelings and other people's if we just choose our words carefully. I like to think that I have a pretty broad vocabulary since I have an English degree and study law, but it becomes negated at times in the heat of the moment and I speak to send daggers. I say those things that I can't take back and even choose words that don't encompass my point. I get twisted around the idea that what I am saying is so important that I need to get it out of my mouth now, without taking a moment to consider the consequences. I don't listen, I just want to talk because (especially with Brian) if you can just hear my side, which is so magical and perfect and absolute, you won't need your argument at all. You will agree with my brilliance (all of this said sarcastically).
I think that from now on, I will do what Jesus did and take a moment to draw in the dirt, collect myself. I know that I will continue to say things the wrong way and that I will hurt more feelings throughout life, but perhaps if I can spend a moment drawing in the dirt before I speak, I won't have to eat that dirt later.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday, October 17, 2005
Week 1-The Search...
I feel like I am starring in my own reality show with this one. I shall call it The Search. Brian and I started out this week to find a church that suits our needs and desires. We both have different things that we look for. I need good music and would love to find a choir to sing in. Brian looks for a teacher that is challenging and intelligent, scholarly. We both are looking for, what we have started calling, The Meat. We need substance. I was raised Pentecostal and Brian has a mixed background starting with Presbyterian and going to Assemblies of God. He and I both have been very open-minded about what the other needs. We have gone to a Presbyterian church, even though there are quite a few (okay a ton)of things that neither of us agrees with about the doctrine. But the pastor is great and he doesn't talk too much about the doctrines from the pulpit. Each time that we have been, however, there has been one thing that has caused me to get on the defensive, whereas for Brian, it makes him grab his Bible and study to find out the basis and attempt to approve or refute that information.
So Sunday we visited a very charismatic nondenominational (but very Pentecostal) church here in town. The Choir was amazing and the Band rivaled Dave Matthews Band. But we never got to The Meat. There were several things about that service that disturbed both Brian and me, especially the 35 minutes of prosperity preaching that preceded the offering. 35 minutes to take an offering? I couldn't believe that there was more time spent on the offering "sermon" then on the worship service. I know that for some people, this is all fine and good, but for us, it was time to go. We left before the preaching even started. When we left, we sat in the car in the parking lot and I cried. I told Brian that I want something insightful that I can take with me into the week, not the hype that makes me feel good for a couple of hours but doesn't spark change. We prayed together in the car that God would lead us to the church that is right for us. I just want to be taught and challenged.
I am all for the church that is excited. I am an emotional person and I have been known to cry my eyes out in a church service. I don't hold back. I just need more than a good feeling. I need more than a preacher that shouts without substance. If your going to shout, do it, but say something that I can take with me through the week or through my life. We know that there is no perfect church. But we also know that when we find where we are supposed to be, we will know it.
So next Sunday, The Search continues...
So Sunday we visited a very charismatic nondenominational (but very Pentecostal) church here in town. The Choir was amazing and the Band rivaled Dave Matthews Band. But we never got to The Meat. There were several things about that service that disturbed both Brian and me, especially the 35 minutes of prosperity preaching that preceded the offering. 35 minutes to take an offering? I couldn't believe that there was more time spent on the offering "sermon" then on the worship service. I know that for some people, this is all fine and good, but for us, it was time to go. We left before the preaching even started. When we left, we sat in the car in the parking lot and I cried. I told Brian that I want something insightful that I can take with me into the week, not the hype that makes me feel good for a couple of hours but doesn't spark change. We prayed together in the car that God would lead us to the church that is right for us. I just want to be taught and challenged.
I am all for the church that is excited. I am an emotional person and I have been known to cry my eyes out in a church service. I don't hold back. I just need more than a good feeling. I need more than a preacher that shouts without substance. If your going to shout, do it, but say something that I can take with me through the week or through my life. We know that there is no perfect church. But we also know that when we find where we are supposed to be, we will know it.
So next Sunday, The Search continues...
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Baseball season
I recognize that my Red Sox are now out of the playoffs. No defending the championship. No talk of a dynasty. I am sad, however, there is a joy that swells up in me just knowing that THE YANKEES WON'T BE THERE EITHER!! HA HA HA (I hate the Yankees)
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
The 80's
I don't know what is wrong with me. I haven't posted in several days. I haven't been ill or out of the country, just living my "Groundhog Day" over and over. The good news is that I have a job interview on Thursday and I am really keeping my fingers crossed on this one. It's slightly out of field for me but it's a substantial raise at a good company with a lot of opportunity for advancement. It looks good for me and, get this, they pay you more just for having a college degree!! (See previous post)
This past weekend was my sister's 30 birthday and my dad's 69th. My sister decided to have an 80's flashback party. I had almost forgotten how ugly we all were back then but I was quickly reminded. I cut the neck and sleeves out of my sweatshirt, teased my hair, put on my stretch pants and my skirt, and loaded up on pink and blue makeup. And my God, it was awful! I turned the corner in our house and Brian was terrified. He decided that if he had known me in high school, we would not have been friends. He missed a lot of the 80's experience. He is a few years younger than I am. He graduated high school in 1997 and I graduated college in 1998 (but I was 16 when I went to college, I only robbed the craddle a little bit). Yes, it does make me feel old! Anyway, I hear rumors that the big hair and parachute pants are making a comeback in Europe. A friend of mine just got back from a trip there and said that it's the old new thing that's "in". Let me say that I will revolt with every fiber of my being before I perm and tease my hair again. I will not wear socks with my high heals, and no socks with my Keds. And I will not wear jelly bracelets on one arm and bangles on the other! I may wear jelly shoes though. They were cool and I had them in every color. The 80's had few good things to offer. I would like you to give me a list of your favorite and least favorite things about the 80's. If you're not old enough to remember first hand and you only know about the 80's from watching the new classics on Nick at Nite, you get no opinion!
Favorites in no particular order
1. One-hit wonders
2. Afore mentioned Jelly shoes
3. Colored mascara (I really like that)
4. The Joshua Tree (U2 at it's finest)
5. Monster Ballads
6. ...That may be it, I thought there would be more
And I hated
1. The big hair (so much maintenance!)
2. Tight-rolled jeans (cut off the circulation)
3. Super-sized sweaters and shirts, with undersized pants and skirts
4. Those gloves with the fingers cut out (I had them though)
5. Rave hairspray (I know you feel my pain on that one girls)
6. High top tennis shoes
7. The end of disco (I love disco)
8. Shoulder pads (so unnecessary)
I'm sure there are plenty more and will chime in after I get your lists. Make them as long or short as you would like to!
This past weekend was my sister's 30 birthday and my dad's 69th. My sister decided to have an 80's flashback party. I had almost forgotten how ugly we all were back then but I was quickly reminded. I cut the neck and sleeves out of my sweatshirt, teased my hair, put on my stretch pants and my skirt, and loaded up on pink and blue makeup. And my God, it was awful! I turned the corner in our house and Brian was terrified. He decided that if he had known me in high school, we would not have been friends. He missed a lot of the 80's experience. He is a few years younger than I am. He graduated high school in 1997 and I graduated college in 1998 (but I was 16 when I went to college, I only robbed the craddle a little bit). Yes, it does make me feel old! Anyway, I hear rumors that the big hair and parachute pants are making a comeback in Europe. A friend of mine just got back from a trip there and said that it's the old new thing that's "in". Let me say that I will revolt with every fiber of my being before I perm and tease my hair again. I will not wear socks with my high heals, and no socks with my Keds. And I will not wear jelly bracelets on one arm and bangles on the other! I may wear jelly shoes though. They were cool and I had them in every color. The 80's had few good things to offer. I would like you to give me a list of your favorite and least favorite things about the 80's. If you're not old enough to remember first hand and you only know about the 80's from watching the new classics on Nick at Nite, you get no opinion!
Favorites in no particular order
1. One-hit wonders
2. Afore mentioned Jelly shoes
3. Colored mascara (I really like that)
4. The Joshua Tree (U2 at it's finest)
5. Monster Ballads
6. ...That may be it, I thought there would be more
And I hated
1. The big hair (so much maintenance!)
2. Tight-rolled jeans (cut off the circulation)
3. Super-sized sweaters and shirts, with undersized pants and skirts
4. Those gloves with the fingers cut out (I had them though)
5. Rave hairspray (I know you feel my pain on that one girls)
6. High top tennis shoes
7. The end of disco (I love disco)
8. Shoulder pads (so unnecessary)
I'm sure there are plenty more and will chime in after I get your lists. Make them as long or short as you would like to!
Friday, October 07, 2005
FRIDAY!!!
Let me preface this post by saying that I am medicated. It's prescription and I'm not abusing it. I threw my back out badly so I'm taking some muscle relaxers. Thus, if the blog seems a little more incoherent than normal (if that's possible), I have an excuse.
I am watching game 3 of the Red Sox/White Sox series. It's do or die time, down 2-0. We are at home though which is plus.
Today on my way home, I put on the Christian station and there was a preacher talking about the cost of gas these days and comparing it to marriage. When he said the words, "Fill up your love tank", I had to draw the line. I can only handle so much of that. Maybe he had good things to say, but the "Love Tank"??? I just couldn't do it.
I got an email today from a friend of mine from EC. We have just recently gotten back in touch. We were talking about people that I dated and he said that, for the most part, girls just prefer to date "assholes". I had to think about that for a minute. There are very few girls that I know of that just intentionally date guys that are losers. Don't mistake that to mean that everyone I dated was a gem, because there were definitely some BIG mistakes made. For example, the time I went on a date with a guy that told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend. She and I weren't the best of friends but I would have never gone on that one date if I had know the truth. They were still together and I had no way of knowing that. I told a couple of people that we had gone out and the next thing I know, I was getting pulled aside in chapel to talk about what I did. I felt awful, but it was not at all my fault. I didn't have any fun on the date anyway and had no intention of going on another one, even before I found out he was still in a "committed" relationship. Then there was the guy that wooed me with his sweet words, presented himself a certain way to lure me in, and then decided to give me a huge dose of reality. I should have known that he hadn't really changed all that much but by that point, I had my pitiful little heart involved. He brought me down in so many ways. He was a nice guy and anyone that knew him would say that about him. But he was a terrible boyfriend! I once drove 5 hours to surprise him on Valentine's Day and I was just so very proud of myself. When I got there he was so shocked to see me, and not pleasantly shocked. I had gifts and he had the gift that his roommate bought for his girlfriend that he borrowed to give to me. Nice guy, bad boyfriend. I stayed with him and was miserable, but I thought he was cheating on me and it became my goal to prove it. Several years later I saw him and we went to dinner. I asked him straight out and he fessed up. I had my closure. There was also the friend with benefits. At EC we called it "Arb". At Southeastern College, where Brian went it was called NICMO (non-committal make-out). Now, as a girl, this was not at all how I wanted things to be. It happened with more than one of my guy friends, unfortunately. I always thought that the natural progression was that we were friends and once we kissed, it would dawn on him that he had loved me romantically the whole time (like on Monica and Chandler). I was wrong about that for sure. Those hurt the worst because then the friendship was ruined. I regret that I allowed myself to want more than friendship with two of those people specifically, because things were never the same. I would rather have the friendships.
I think that too many girls get a bad reputation for dating guys that treat them poorly. It's usually a pattern, different face, same relationship. That pattern usually stems from insecurity. A girl may seem very sure of herself, even pompous, and pulled together, but that doesn't mean that she isn't just a great big faker. When you're insecure about any area of your life, be it physical, intellectual, emotional, financial, pretty much anything, it spills over into your relationships with the opposite sex. I think that there is a misconception that most girls that are insecure have been physically or sexually abused, or that they have bad relationships with their dad. I know that in a lot of cases this is factual, but insecurity in anyone can be caused by the most miniscule of things. For example, and this is going to sound silly, but I went walking one day for some exercise around a lake in town. It's a pretty busy road but there is a path around the lake for people to bike and walk. I had on some shorts and a t-shirt, hair pulled up, looked like everyone else out there. A car full of guys drove by and screamed at me out of the window. "FREAK!!!" That was all they said and it made me so self-conscious! I began to wonder if I walked funny or if I was just hideous out there. I couldn't figure out why someone would call me a freak! I have returned to walk around the lake but I always think about that day and I am careful about what I am wearing, how my hair looks, how I'm walking. It's so stupid, but it made me insecure.
Regardless, I feel very sorry for those people that date the "assholes" but everyone deserves someone, right? It just needs to be a case where mean people date other mean people and leave the normal ones alone.
I am watching game 3 of the Red Sox/White Sox series. It's do or die time, down 2-0. We are at home though which is plus.
Today on my way home, I put on the Christian station and there was a preacher talking about the cost of gas these days and comparing it to marriage. When he said the words, "Fill up your love tank", I had to draw the line. I can only handle so much of that. Maybe he had good things to say, but the "Love Tank"??? I just couldn't do it.
I got an email today from a friend of mine from EC. We have just recently gotten back in touch. We were talking about people that I dated and he said that, for the most part, girls just prefer to date "assholes". I had to think about that for a minute. There are very few girls that I know of that just intentionally date guys that are losers. Don't mistake that to mean that everyone I dated was a gem, because there were definitely some BIG mistakes made. For example, the time I went on a date with a guy that told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend. She and I weren't the best of friends but I would have never gone on that one date if I had know the truth. They were still together and I had no way of knowing that. I told a couple of people that we had gone out and the next thing I know, I was getting pulled aside in chapel to talk about what I did. I felt awful, but it was not at all my fault. I didn't have any fun on the date anyway and had no intention of going on another one, even before I found out he was still in a "committed" relationship. Then there was the guy that wooed me with his sweet words, presented himself a certain way to lure me in, and then decided to give me a huge dose of reality. I should have known that he hadn't really changed all that much but by that point, I had my pitiful little heart involved. He brought me down in so many ways. He was a nice guy and anyone that knew him would say that about him. But he was a terrible boyfriend! I once drove 5 hours to surprise him on Valentine's Day and I was just so very proud of myself. When I got there he was so shocked to see me, and not pleasantly shocked. I had gifts and he had the gift that his roommate bought for his girlfriend that he borrowed to give to me. Nice guy, bad boyfriend. I stayed with him and was miserable, but I thought he was cheating on me and it became my goal to prove it. Several years later I saw him and we went to dinner. I asked him straight out and he fessed up. I had my closure. There was also the friend with benefits. At EC we called it "Arb". At Southeastern College, where Brian went it was called NICMO (non-committal make-out). Now, as a girl, this was not at all how I wanted things to be. It happened with more than one of my guy friends, unfortunately. I always thought that the natural progression was that we were friends and once we kissed, it would dawn on him that he had loved me romantically the whole time (like on Monica and Chandler). I was wrong about that for sure. Those hurt the worst because then the friendship was ruined. I regret that I allowed myself to want more than friendship with two of those people specifically, because things were never the same. I would rather have the friendships.
I think that too many girls get a bad reputation for dating guys that treat them poorly. It's usually a pattern, different face, same relationship. That pattern usually stems from insecurity. A girl may seem very sure of herself, even pompous, and pulled together, but that doesn't mean that she isn't just a great big faker. When you're insecure about any area of your life, be it physical, intellectual, emotional, financial, pretty much anything, it spills over into your relationships with the opposite sex. I think that there is a misconception that most girls that are insecure have been physically or sexually abused, or that they have bad relationships with their dad. I know that in a lot of cases this is factual, but insecurity in anyone can be caused by the most miniscule of things. For example, and this is going to sound silly, but I went walking one day for some exercise around a lake in town. It's a pretty busy road but there is a path around the lake for people to bike and walk. I had on some shorts and a t-shirt, hair pulled up, looked like everyone else out there. A car full of guys drove by and screamed at me out of the window. "FREAK!!!" That was all they said and it made me so self-conscious! I began to wonder if I walked funny or if I was just hideous out there. I couldn't figure out why someone would call me a freak! I have returned to walk around the lake but I always think about that day and I am careful about what I am wearing, how my hair looks, how I'm walking. It's so stupid, but it made me insecure.
Regardless, I feel very sorry for those people that date the "assholes" but everyone deserves someone, right? It just needs to be a case where mean people date other mean people and leave the normal ones alone.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
The latest...
Today was a pretty ordinary day. Not too much going on. However, on my way home I was listening to the radio, typical. I had it on the local Christian station and there was a commercial that came on that seemed to be somewhat humorous to me. It was for a seminar to learn how to become a wealthy Christian. Now let me preface by saying that I don't think Christians should be poor and I see nothing wrong with being an extremely wealthy Christian. That was not where the humor was. That came from the fact that the 4 hour seminar cost $200.00 per person. They suggested using your weekly tithe money on this seminar to learn what the Bible has to say about being prosperous. I chuckled to myself. If you are a Christian, and you're poor, can you really afford $200.00 for a seminar about becoming wealthy? Should you really spend money that you would normally give to your church, the place that spiritually feeds you, on what I feel is a lottery ticket? Do we need to have this? I know that traditionally, a great deal of Christians feel like they have to be economically lacking. Store up your treasures in Heaven, sacrifice earthly wealth for what is to come. Give all that you have to help those less fortunate than you are. I would love to be wealthy, unbelievably, filthy, stinking RICH! I don't think it would make me happy...well maybe a little bit, but it's not what I'm going for. I would personally rather be secure in my eternal future than my retirement fund. I know that money is important to everyone, believer or not. I just don't know that it should be such a focal point, for anyone, believer or not. What happened to "Money is the root of all evil"?
I'd rather have exactly what I have right now. I think that if I were going to spend that much money on a seminar, I'd rather learn about spiritual gifts or how to develop a closer relationship with God and my husband. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking of this. Let me say again that I think that Christians should have just as much, if not more than anyone else in the world. I truly believe that God looks out for us and takes care of us and supplies us with what we need to sustain ourselves. If you are a Christian and you're loaded, good for you. Thank God for what you have. I just have major issues with the focus of so many preachers these days. No, I don't think that Christians should be poor, but do we need a seminar that costs $200.00 to help us become rich Christians? Should the most prevalent part of the church service be taking the offering? Giving to God and the church is important. Don't get me wrong about that. I think that everyone that attends church should be a contributor.
The commercial also said that some believers just don't have the faith that it takes for God to make them rich. Is that God's job? I'm asking because I really don't know. I can't ever remember reading anywhere in the Bible that God will make me wealthy while I am here on earth, but that doesn't mean it's not there. In fact if it is there and there is some thing that I should be doing to get rich, please, someone let me know!
What it all boils down to is that if I am struggling financially and I come into $200.00, I'm going to give it to my church, or a needy family or the hurricane victims and I know that God will look down on that and smile and reward me. Maybe not financially, but with a feeling of knowing that I have helped someone in need. I have made a difference in a life. Now maybe the plan is to go to the seminar and turn my $200.00 into 2 Million and then give it to the needy. I don't know..I just don't get it. I'll take your opinions now.
I'd rather have exactly what I have right now. I think that if I were going to spend that much money on a seminar, I'd rather learn about spiritual gifts or how to develop a closer relationship with God and my husband. Maybe I'm alone in my thinking of this. Let me say again that I think that Christians should have just as much, if not more than anyone else in the world. I truly believe that God looks out for us and takes care of us and supplies us with what we need to sustain ourselves. If you are a Christian and you're loaded, good for you. Thank God for what you have. I just have major issues with the focus of so many preachers these days. No, I don't think that Christians should be poor, but do we need a seminar that costs $200.00 to help us become rich Christians? Should the most prevalent part of the church service be taking the offering? Giving to God and the church is important. Don't get me wrong about that. I think that everyone that attends church should be a contributor.
The commercial also said that some believers just don't have the faith that it takes for God to make them rich. Is that God's job? I'm asking because I really don't know. I can't ever remember reading anywhere in the Bible that God will make me wealthy while I am here on earth, but that doesn't mean it's not there. In fact if it is there and there is some thing that I should be doing to get rich, please, someone let me know!
What it all boils down to is that if I am struggling financially and I come into $200.00, I'm going to give it to my church, or a needy family or the hurricane victims and I know that God will look down on that and smile and reward me. Maybe not financially, but with a feeling of knowing that I have helped someone in need. I have made a difference in a life. Now maybe the plan is to go to the seminar and turn my $200.00 into 2 Million and then give it to the needy. I don't know..I just don't get it. I'll take your opinions now.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Today's ramble
Brace yourselves--this could be a long one! This is pretty random, stream of consciousness.
I am on the hunt for a new job. I have a BA in English and a paralegal degree from the University of Miami, so one would think that, because I have an education, I could find a job. Sadly, that's just not the case. Everyone wants someone with experience. I am currently working in a law firm, getting the necessary experience. However, I was just passed up for a promotion by a girl with no college degree and no litigation experience (which is what I went to school for), but she is bilingual. I understand that is an important thing, especially in Florida. I just think that there should be some merit to an education. To top it all off, I asked for a raise and was told that I would get one in December. I can wait until then. Then I found out how much it would be...3%. I make nothing right now. I took the job for the experience, and I also took a $15,000.00 a year pay cut from my TEACHER"S SALARY!! If you know any teachers, you know the one thing they always complain about is the salary. You do the math. So I'm back on the hunt. It appears as though I am going to take a job that is out of my field, but that has a lot of potential for advancement. And they pay more money to people with a college degree and I really appreciate that. Job hunting is close to the top of my list of things I really hate, just below moving and doing laundry. I have a lot to offer but getting the interview with little experience is a difficult thing to do!!
I went to visit my parents today. They live about 5 minutes from me and yet I only go visit about once a month, if that. I feel like such a bad child. They are understanding about it. They know that I'm usually very busy. I talked to them for a long time about different things and I started to think about the relationships that we have with our parents when we become adults. As a child, a teenager, and a college student, all I ever really wanted was for them to be proud of me, especially my dad. I appreciated the approval of my mom. She was always very vocal about it though. My dad would tell me that he was but my mom was more consistent about it. Now that I am adult, my need to please them is still there but it's very altered. I still want them to be proud of my decisions in life, almost because I want them to feel like they did a good job raising me. They are getting older (aren't we all?) and I worry about them a great deal. My dad had a heart attack a few months before my wedding and it didn't look good. I was so worried that my daddy wouldn't be there to give me away. I felt so selfish for thinking that way but that's something that every girl wants. He had to have a pacemaker put in and still has problems breathing from time to time. My mom, on the other hand, has always been the strong one. She is a fighter for sure. A few weeks ago, she was in the hospital with some stomach problems. It turned out to be two ulcers. The problem was that the doctors were so vague about what was happening, so I automatically assumed the worst. That's just my nature. I can't imagine the condition I will be in the day that something happens to either of them. Yet they are right around the corner and I don't see them very often. It's a conundrum for me. But I don't think that they ever question that I love them and would do anything for them.
On a completely different note, I have these two friends that I went to college with that I am still very close to, Tracy and Cyndi. I miss them both so much today. I think of them everyday, but some days, I need them more than others. Tracy and I were roommates in college and then for another year after I graduated. She is one of the most constant things that I have in life. I see her a couple times a year, if I'm lucky. We just live too far apart. She is one of the few that knows all there is to know about me, especially my flaws, and she loves me still. I appreciate that in her. Cyndi and I went through a phase in our friendship where we didn't speak. I don't even remember why but I'm sure she does. She joined the army and went to Germany and we kept in touch while she was there. We talked every few weeks. She's another constant. She has been through a lot of really rough times and she keeps her head above water somehow. She is invincible in my mind. I'm very proud of her. There are few people in life that find friends like these two and I consider myself so fortunate to have them. They are cherished. They are my family. If either of you happen to read this, know that I love you and it's time to pack your stuff up and head to Florida for a little fall vacation!
I am on the hunt for a new job. I have a BA in English and a paralegal degree from the University of Miami, so one would think that, because I have an education, I could find a job. Sadly, that's just not the case. Everyone wants someone with experience. I am currently working in a law firm, getting the necessary experience. However, I was just passed up for a promotion by a girl with no college degree and no litigation experience (which is what I went to school for), but she is bilingual. I understand that is an important thing, especially in Florida. I just think that there should be some merit to an education. To top it all off, I asked for a raise and was told that I would get one in December. I can wait until then. Then I found out how much it would be...3%. I make nothing right now. I took the job for the experience, and I also took a $15,000.00 a year pay cut from my TEACHER"S SALARY!! If you know any teachers, you know the one thing they always complain about is the salary. You do the math. So I'm back on the hunt. It appears as though I am going to take a job that is out of my field, but that has a lot of potential for advancement. And they pay more money to people with a college degree and I really appreciate that. Job hunting is close to the top of my list of things I really hate, just below moving and doing laundry. I have a lot to offer but getting the interview with little experience is a difficult thing to do!!
I went to visit my parents today. They live about 5 minutes from me and yet I only go visit about once a month, if that. I feel like such a bad child. They are understanding about it. They know that I'm usually very busy. I talked to them for a long time about different things and I started to think about the relationships that we have with our parents when we become adults. As a child, a teenager, and a college student, all I ever really wanted was for them to be proud of me, especially my dad. I appreciated the approval of my mom. She was always very vocal about it though. My dad would tell me that he was but my mom was more consistent about it. Now that I am adult, my need to please them is still there but it's very altered. I still want them to be proud of my decisions in life, almost because I want them to feel like they did a good job raising me. They are getting older (aren't we all?) and I worry about them a great deal. My dad had a heart attack a few months before my wedding and it didn't look good. I was so worried that my daddy wouldn't be there to give me away. I felt so selfish for thinking that way but that's something that every girl wants. He had to have a pacemaker put in and still has problems breathing from time to time. My mom, on the other hand, has always been the strong one. She is a fighter for sure. A few weeks ago, she was in the hospital with some stomach problems. It turned out to be two ulcers. The problem was that the doctors were so vague about what was happening, so I automatically assumed the worst. That's just my nature. I can't imagine the condition I will be in the day that something happens to either of them. Yet they are right around the corner and I don't see them very often. It's a conundrum for me. But I don't think that they ever question that I love them and would do anything for them.
On a completely different note, I have these two friends that I went to college with that I am still very close to, Tracy and Cyndi. I miss them both so much today. I think of them everyday, but some days, I need them more than others. Tracy and I were roommates in college and then for another year after I graduated. She is one of the most constant things that I have in life. I see her a couple times a year, if I'm lucky. We just live too far apart. She is one of the few that knows all there is to know about me, especially my flaws, and she loves me still. I appreciate that in her. Cyndi and I went through a phase in our friendship where we didn't speak. I don't even remember why but I'm sure she does. She joined the army and went to Germany and we kept in touch while she was there. We talked every few weeks. She's another constant. She has been through a lot of really rough times and she keeps her head above water somehow. She is invincible in my mind. I'm very proud of her. There are few people in life that find friends like these two and I consider myself so fortunate to have them. They are cherished. They are my family. If either of you happen to read this, know that I love you and it's time to pack your stuff up and head to Florida for a little fall vacation!
The Case for Christ
I am about to join a book club and The Case for Christ is the first thing we are reading. Anyone have an opinion to offer about it? I've read several reviews online, mostly from atheists who, obviously don't like the book. Just wondering if anyone has an opinion for me before I get started.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Antisocial
I'm feeling antisocial tonight. I think that is because of this blog thing. I feel the need to put one of my long-winded ideas on here every time I think of anything. It's ridiculous. This is the newest thing in my life so I guess that is why.
Other than that, tomorrow my Falcons take on Minnesota at 4:15pm EST. I'm hoping that the Daunte Culpepper from the first two weeks of the season shows up tomorrow. 8 interceptions, no touchdowns. And for those of you with a comment about Michael Vick--I agree that he is the most overrated player in the NFL, but I love him still. He is no Chris Chandler or Doug Johnson (and thank God for that). I'll attach a picture that is dear to my heart. I would like to go ahead now and personally guarantee two wins in the Garvin household--okay three wins (for Brian's sake). The Red Sox, the Falcons, and the Denver Broncos at Jacksonville. There you go Brian (even though you never read my blog).
HOPE!!
Well the Sox pulled it out last night but lost one today. There is still hope! We play the Yankees again tomorrow and, if the Indians lose we are in. If the Indians win we will have a playoff game. I'm not that worried. I do know why the saying goes,"Damn Yankees!"
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