Political Soap box

Normally, I try to steer clear of all things political. I don't like to talk about my views and in most cases, I don't want to hear about yours either. It's all so controversial and the arguments can go either way. However, today I shall discuss a little bit of politics and a whole lot of other issues. Let me preface by saying that I did not vote for Obama. I did not vote for McCain either. Given the choice, I opted out. So this is in no way motivated based on personal feelings.

As everyone on earth knows, the president gave a speech a few days ago to air in classrooms, encouraging children to stay in school, work hard and make something of themselves. AS I understand there was also a bit of health care reform/political agenda thrown in there. There were many schools that chose not to show it at all. My issue is just this: he is the President of the United States. He is our nations first African-American President (even though, according to my mother, he wasn't born in the US). Regardless of what he is saying, it was an historical speech. And I don't think that ANY child can hear enough encouragement when it comes to making smart choices and doing something with their lives, even if it was laced with political agenda. 10-year-olds don't care about health care reform, but may need to hear the other stuff.

Flash forward to last night's Presidential Congressional address. Will the representative from South Carolina please not make a fool out of himself and all those who voted for him? All this teaches our children is how to be disrespectful. I don't care if Obama was standing there calling the sky green-you can't just yell at him! He is our president, in the highest position of authority in the land, and a grown man interrupts him (rude) and yells over him (rude again) and tries to degrade him in front of others (more rudeness) because he didn't like what Obama had to say. So now children think that it's okay to be disrespectful as long as it's done under the correct circumstances. Are you kidding? I taught high school and it was hard enough to get kids to respect my authority without them having an adult as the worst example imaginable.

I think that more and more, we are only presenting one side of every story, be it politically or elsewhere. We are trying not to expose our children to too many varying opinions. But I think that what we are keeping them from, in most cases, not all, is forming an opinion of their own. This is true especially where it comes to Christianity. I am not saying that it is okay to expose them to all the craziness of the world, but sheltering them from everything breeds ignorance. I want to teach Luke how to think for himself, how to defend his ideas and morals and beliefs. I think that a great opportunity has been missed and will continue to be missed when it comes to all this Presidential controversy. We are presented every day with chances to talk to our kids and teach them something based on what they see and hear, and those chances are passing us by. Reality is that if we don't teach them or use these moments to help shape them into respectful, responsible adults, someone else will get to our children first. They will see and hear plenty that we aren't aware of so these things that we know they are exposed to must me taken advantage of. I don't want Luke to walk into any situation blindly. I want him to know what he believes and why he believes it and to stand behind his convictions with pride, be it political or religious or just why the Red Sox are the best baseball team ever.

I am preparing myself as I post this to hear a backlash from anti-Obama folks and that's fine. I will stand by my blog proudly and defend my words. You know why? Because I have an opinion that I consider educated. Someone let me hear both sides.

Marriage

So lately it seems that I have a lot of trouble finding people who are happily married and I am just fed up, I guess. Every time I turn around, someone I know, who is wonderful and committed to being married, is being left behind by someone who just doesn't feel like it anymore. I don't get it. When did marriage vows become so optional? No where in our vows did Brian and I say that we would love, honor and respect each other when it was easy and fun. I want to slap some people with a healthy dose if reality-MARRIAGE IS FREAKING HARD!! There is no white horse, Prince Charming, Rapunzel-let-down-your-hair nonsense. WAKE THE FREAK UP!! What other part of your life is like that? Do you get up in the morning with cartoon birds flying around outside and bunny rabbits bringing you your coffee? If you do, you better lay off the Acid! Good Lord!!
I get so frustrated with this because I know so many people that just quit. It's too hard. I don't love you anymore. I don't want to do this. COWARDS! All of them. Keep your stupid excuses to yourself and just say this: "I'm weak. I don't like responsibility. I'm lazy and this is just too much work". If people treated their actual jobs the same way they treat their marriages, the unemployment rate would be triple what it is now. It's work people!
The thing that gets me is when you leave a marriage for another person. THE GRASS IS NEVER GREENER!!! Now you have a whole new person to screw over and guess what? It's still not a fairy tale! They still fart in the bed and leave the dishes in the sink and get fat after they have a baby, and they still don't want to have sex with you because you are still YOU! Grab a mirror. Look in it and say this: "I am the reason I am unhappy. I am a coward. I am weak. I am a child and t some point I should learn how to wipe my own ...etc. etc."
Go ahead and tell me to hop off my soap box, but the beauty of it is is that this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. I don't have a perfect marriage by any means, but Brian and I both work every day to make sure that we just get through that day without hurting each others feelings and trying to make the most of the time that we have together and with Luke (Don't EVEN get me started on people leaving their kids! AUGH!!!). We try to respect each other, be open and honest with each other and meet each others needs emotionally and physically. But, we went to a marriage counselor for 2 years to figure all that out. Beforehand, we were just as miserable as we could possibly be. Ya know why? The stupid freaking fairy tale! Stupid! I thought that I would come home from work and Brian would be waiting to rub my feet and then immediately following my foot rub, he would clean the toilets and cook dinner. We would make passionate love and fall asleep smiling. (I just threw up a little! GAG!) And it wasn't just me. He had his fairy tale too, but we ain't gettin' into that (if you know what I mean). YIKES!
I think it is not just a marriage issue. i think that people generally are not as willing to make commitments and stick to them as they were in the "Good Ol' Days". It is easier to quit. But easier is rarely ever better. If you work for what you want, you appreciate it so much more than if someone hands you everything on a silver platter. Life is work, happiness takes work. AND seriously, marriage is work. Strenuous, difficult, and sometimes tedious work. Wonderful, beautiful, worth-every-second-of-it work.
For those of you that I know that are alone, left by the lazy, coward, slacker, so-and-so's, please know that I pray that you will find happiness with someone willing to work as hard as you have. Know that there is only so much that you can control and don't blame yourselves. You were committed. You did all you could. Know that I also pray that those that have left you will be plagued with rashes and body hair, bad breath and Man-boobs. But know this too. Chances are, they already know how badly they screwed up and their stupid pride won't let them tell you so I will do it for you. Friends-THEY SCREWED UP!! (I love you and you all know who you are!)

Optimism

Last Thursday night, I watch a show hosted by Michael J. Fox called "Adventures of an eternal optimist". He was discussing his Parkinson's Disease and how hopeful he is for a cure. He traveled to various places and talked to people who have a positive outlook on life. I have never considered myself to be an optimist by any means. In fact, I have always leaned, okay ran straight into, the pessimistic side of things. I am a self-proclaimed worrier. I am one who wakes up every day and thinks, "If I can just get through this day without anything bad happening to me or anyone that I know..." But things seem to be turning around for me lately.
I don't know what it is but I am starting to see the good, the positive in every situation that faces me. I have discovered that I am...brace yourselves...happy with my life. I know that sounds a little crazy but I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for, and those things make me happy. I feel fortunate to have a job, a great job that I enjoy, especially when so many are out of work. I feel lucky to have such a devoted husband, especially when I see so many marriages crumbling around me. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful child, especially when there are so many people who can't have children, or simply don't appreciate the gift that children can be.
I don't have every material thing that I would like to have. I want a house instead of an apartment. I would love to have a boat to enjoy on the weekends. I would like to weigh 115 pounds again. But not one of those things can make me feel any happier than I am today. They can certainly be contributors though! I am learning to look for the silver lining, and even if it isn't immediate, and I can't see it in the middle of the situation, it will be there eventually.
I have spent a great deal of time in my life feeling sorry for myself, worrying about what is happening, what happened, what is going to happen. I have tried very hard to change my circumstances when what I should have been doing all along was changing my reaction to those circumstances. I can't always have a hand in the way things go. I can't always pick what will happen next. I can, however, choose how it will effect me, how I will respond to it. I am choosing to be happy. I am choosing to be an optimist. I want to see the good in people, in situations, in a world that seems to be nothing but bad news.
Now the reality is that there are days when being optimistic is easier than others. I am, by no means, one of those people "a la Rachel Ray". You know, the kind that you want to punch in the face, just to see if you can give them something to cry about. I am not being fake. In fact, I think that this is the closest to being myself that I have ever felt. It feels good to wake up every day and notice all the blessing that I have been given. I have never done that before.
So maybe this is a passing phase, but I hope not. I would like to stay in this mindset and really start enjoying life for once. I know that there are going to be those days when I just melt down for various reasons, but happiness and optimism are new choices that I am making. We'll see how it goes...

Oh, teenagers!

So I am in California this week assisting Brian as a chaperone for six students that are participating in a national DECA competition. If I had any idea what "DECA" stands for I would tell you, but I really don't know. I know that it has to do with business-type things. Anyhoo, we are in Anaheim and today was a free day, our only free day of the trip. We left it up to the three girls and three boys to decide what they would like to do with their free day. As you may or may not know, Anaheim is home to Disney Land. In fact, if I look out of my hotel room window, I can see portions of the park when it's not so smoggy. There are beaches, pro sports teams, and a wealth of other things to do. Did I mention M-i-c-k-e-y M-o-u-s-e?
These teenagers decided that they wanted to see famous people. They wanted to go to Hollywood, the walk of fame, Grouman's Chinese theatre, Rodeo Drive, the Sunset Strip and the Santa Monica Pier.
Hello? Teenager? Donald, Goofy, the whole gang? No? OKay, how about Universal Studios? Knott's Berry Farm? Nope. Hollywood. So we went. We saw street performers, crazy people who were clearly taking hallucinagenic drugs, people wearing protective Swine Flu masks (which I was totally jealous of) and lots of fancy cars. No famous people.
I was not surprised by the choice that they made to go to Hollywood. I have to admit, even though I have seen it before, it was very exciting to see the big sign again on the side of the mountain. In a society where we talk about celebrities by their first names, as if we actually know them, where we watch shows like TMZ and buy People magagine so we can see who the most beautiful people in the "world" are, where the emphasis is on what you have and don't have, we miss out on Mickey Mouse and spend the day trying not to get pick-pocketed in hopes that someone famous will stroll by. As I listened to them talk about the cars, houses, clothes, weight, music, status, lifestyle, I realized just how happy I am. I have everything that I need and most things that I want. At one point in my life, I was going to be famous. I was going to Nashville and I was going to be "found", however, my parents decided that I was not going to Nashville so I had to make other plans. I sang in 368 weddings, 2 graduations, a funeral, a bar or two, and I was sure that being "found" was going to make me happy. I still think about that sometimes and how nice it would be. Not for the fame, but a little for the money. Mostly just because I miss singing.
I don't miss being in high school and being torn between being an adult and still wanted to be taken care of. These kids are all seniors and are about to be faced with serious decisions regarding their futures. And I got to tell you that, based on the Hollywood choice, I'm a little nervous for them. I mean, seriously. It's Mickey Mouse! Can you tell that I really wanted to go to Disney Land?

blah...

This morning...have to get some medicine for this cold and sinus infection...hurry up antibiotics... get this mess out of here so I can function...Go to Walgreens... figure out what I need. Is it sinus? Allergy? Cold? Do I have a cough? Is a "productive" cough or should I get something to loosen up the phlegm? Nope...Dry cough. Scratchy throat? Sinus pain and pressure, or just pain? Congestion? Chest congestion or just sinuses? Sinus headache? YES! That's me. Sinus headache with pain and pressure...oh no, this one says for fever. Don't have that. Sinus...oh okay, here sinus headache...oh, no...May caused marked drowsiness. Can't take that...I am on the way to work. Let's see...here it is...sinus medicine for headache, pain, pressure, congestion...Perfect, just what I need.
This afternoon...Why do I still feel like someone is squeezing my head? Read the label on the medicine...yup...got the right thing...should have kept my $7.00 and bought chocolate Easter candy...would have had the same effect...might have been better...could have had a sugar rush instead of a medicine fog...non-drowsy, my arse...Would anyone notice if I put my head down? Can't do that, makes the pressure worse...there is ample napping room under my desk...no one would even see me.
When can I take another dose of something different? Is that safe? Should I just take some regular pain medicine? Stupid liars at the medicine factory...I don't feel any better...sucked me in with their promise of relief and fancy packaging...it's not nice to prey on the sick...I think I am delirious...5 more hours of work...awesome...I am certainly going to get a lot done today...I'll be under the desk if anyone needs me...

My little man

I had to sit down last night and make a list of things that make Luke special. It's for his new teacher. I could barely sum it all up on one piece of paper. I know that all mothers feel this way about their children. I even think that I go a little overboard when I brag about him. As much as I don't want to be "that mother" who acts all crazy about her child, I do want to tell you a few things about him that I think, make him so very special.
He is polite. He says please and thank you, wipes his own runny nose and covers his mouth when he coughs. He loves to "read" to himself. He will sit in his rocking chair with his books, turn the pages and mumble the words to himself. He has even managed to memorize a couple books and can tell me what is coming next before he even turns the page. He plays ball with Brian every day. He can't catch yet, but loves to watch Brian throw the ball straight up into the air, as high as he can. He mimics Brian's movements and pretends that he is the one throwing it, stretching his arms high over his head and jumping up on his tip-toes. He loves music. He has a drum an keeps a pretty steady beat already. He is a dancing machine too!! Like most children, Luke loves to run around naked. When he gets out of the tub, he escapes and runs through the house, pointing to his chest and yelling, "NAKED". He gives the best hugs and kisses too.
I could go on and on and on about all the things that make him so very special, but I will stop myself. I will just note that, during the last few months, I have needed Luke as much as he has needed me. When Brian was gone into his isolation, Luke would lay in the bed with me sometimes and take his naps. He was so warm and cuddly. I needed him to remind me that things were going to be okay. I needed the distraction that he was to me. And the reunion that he and Brian had after it was over is an image that will be burned into my head forever. He was so excited to see his daddy that he fell off the couch, trying to get to him as fast as he could. He has his tantrums and meltdowns, hits and throws things when he gets upset, sneaks his pacifier into his mouth when I am not looking, and can just be downright rotten. I am not foolish enough to think that he is perfect, but he is my beautiful mess.
In the morning I will get up and get us both ready for his first day of school. I will have to take him to that place and drop him off and spend the day praying that he is having the time of his life, but not so much fun that he doesn't want to come see his mommy. I am sure that it will be harder for me than it will for him. It's going to be strange to not spend my entire day with him. I am very proud of the child that he already is and know that he will continue to make me proud in his new surroundings. He is my biggest blessing, my gift from God that makes everything in this world seem all better!

Beginning again

This is our week of challenges. Tomorrow, Brian has a full body scan first thing in the morning and an afternoon appointment to get the results. It's all so frightening. They will check his entire body for any traces of cancer cells and then let him know within a few hours what they do or do not find. Luke and I are going with him to the appointment. Thursday, he takes a pill. A radioactive iodine pill. He will isolate himself for days because he is so afraid that he will make someone else sick. He will camp out in the cold because he doesn't want to contaminate our home. He will be alone and I will be afraid.
It has to be the worst time for any man to be alone. He needs us. His friends, his family, his sweet little boy. He needs a distraction, other than the fear of wild animals and creepy-crawlers getting into his sleeping bag. I am afraid that he will return to the place inside his own head that he crawls into and then forgets to live. I don't want him to forget how to be happy and spontaneous and how to laugh. I don't want him to forget himself. I love the way that he is and I want him to be himself.
Don't be afraid. Hold my hand. We can do this together. Don't be afraid. We have walked through worse and we scoffed at the pitfalls and we skipped in the mire. Don't be afraid. I am there with you. Bumps, lumps and ingrown hairs can't phase us. We are stronger than this. Don't be afraid. I am holding your heart inside my heart and I can carry us all the way through.
Don't be afraid. I love you...

The surprises inside us

Brian has had to go on an iodine-free diet, which will last until his radioactive iodine treatment on January 22nd (that's a whole other post for another day). The list of things that Brian cannot eat is extensive. No dairy (no cooking with butter, cream in the coffee), no eggs, nothing out of a can or any type of processed food, no can soda, no bread unless it is baked with non-iodized salt, basically can't have anything other than fresh fruit, veggies and meat. I am a southern gal and I like to fry things. I like to use butter to make gravy and I like to make casseroles. I use Campbell's cream of mushroom soup as if it was one of the food groups. Needless to say, things have been a little tricky around here.
We started out the first day with a ton of fresh fruit: pineapple, cantaloupe, apples, kiwi, strawberries, cherries, bananas, oranges and apples. I, of course, knew that Brian was not going to be able to survive on these things alone. So I spent 3 hours in the grocery store reading labels. I marinated pork tenderloin in fresh pineapple juice, went to the health/organic food market and bought fresh garlic and ginger, salt-free peanut butter, asparagus, zucchini and anything else that I could think of that was not on the "list". However, by day three, Brian was ready to cheat. He wanted snacks other than dry roasted peanuts and homemade popcorn, so I had to get creative. I have to say that I have really surprised myself. I have made 3 loaves of bread, from scratch with my own, two hands. I have made homemade tortilla chips that I then salted with non-iodized salt, and from scratch peanut butter cookies. And I made mayonnaise with egg whites and a little fresh ground white pepper. This proves my love. I hate mayonnaise. I think it the most disgusting substance around. My point has been proven now that I know exactly what it takes to make it. Yuck!!! I have bought everything I need to make strawberry jam, with the exception of a jar to put it in. I have made salsa without a chopper, slicing each tomato, onion and leaf of cilantro with love and care. I have managed to find saltless potato chips, and a saltless sorbet. I could write a book about how to live an iodine-free lifestyle.
I want to make this diet as easy on Brian as it can be. The less iodine that is in his body, the more effective the radiation treatment will be. I just want to close this chapter and start another one that is light and breezy, titled something like, "Our First Million". I have really been proud of Brian for sticking with this so far, even though it has only been a few days. No Reese's cups, ice cream, nachos with cheese, or anything else that tastes good. Just what I can come up with for us to eat. Oh, did I mention that I am going to be on this diet with him? I can't very well bring Krispy Kreme in the house when he can't have any. We are in this together. And I have to say, I am proud of myself too. It is a great feeling of accomplishment to smell fresh bread baking, even if I can't put any butter on it. It's just as good with organic honey. I am learning that, under any circumstance, we seem to have what it takes to make it work. I may even continue to make some things myself when this is all over. However, I will make a beeline when the neon lights call me home, "Hot Doughnuts Now". What a day, glorious day that will be!