Today's ramble

Brace yourselves--this could be a long one! This is pretty random, stream of consciousness.

I am on the hunt for a new job. I have a BA in English and a paralegal degree from the University of Miami, so one would think that, because I have an education, I could find a job. Sadly, that's just not the case. Everyone wants someone with experience. I am currently working in a law firm, getting the necessary experience. However, I was just passed up for a promotion by a girl with no college degree and no litigation experience (which is what I went to school for), but she is bilingual. I understand that is an important thing, especially in Florida. I just think that there should be some merit to an education. To top it all off, I asked for a raise and was told that I would get one in December. I can wait until then. Then I found out how much it would be...3%. I make nothing right now. I took the job for the experience, and I also took a $15,000.00 a year pay cut from my TEACHER"S SALARY!! If you know any teachers, you know the one thing they always complain about is the salary. You do the math. So I'm back on the hunt. It appears as though I am going to take a job that is out of my field, but that has a lot of potential for advancement. And they pay more money to people with a college degree and I really appreciate that. Job hunting is close to the top of my list of things I really hate, just below moving and doing laundry. I have a lot to offer but getting the interview with little experience is a difficult thing to do!!

I went to visit my parents today. They live about 5 minutes from me and yet I only go visit about once a month, if that. I feel like such a bad child. They are understanding about it. They know that I'm usually very busy. I talked to them for a long time about different things and I started to think about the relationships that we have with our parents when we become adults. As a child, a teenager, and a college student, all I ever really wanted was for them to be proud of me, especially my dad. I appreciated the approval of my mom. She was always very vocal about it though. My dad would tell me that he was but my mom was more consistent about it. Now that I am adult, my need to please them is still there but it's very altered. I still want them to be proud of my decisions in life, almost because I want them to feel like they did a good job raising me. They are getting older (aren't we all?) and I worry about them a great deal. My dad had a heart attack a few months before my wedding and it didn't look good. I was so worried that my daddy wouldn't be there to give me away. I felt so selfish for thinking that way but that's something that every girl wants. He had to have a pacemaker put in and still has problems breathing from time to time. My mom, on the other hand, has always been the strong one. She is a fighter for sure. A few weeks ago, she was in the hospital with some stomach problems. It turned out to be two ulcers. The problem was that the doctors were so vague about what was happening, so I automatically assumed the worst. That's just my nature. I can't imagine the condition I will be in the day that something happens to either of them. Yet they are right around the corner and I don't see them very often. It's a conundrum for me. But I don't think that they ever question that I love them and would do anything for them.

On a completely different note, I have these two friends that I went to college with that I am still very close to, Tracy and Cyndi. I miss them both so much today. I think of them everyday, but some days, I need them more than others. Tracy and I were roommates in college and then for another year after I graduated. She is one of the most constant things that I have in life. I see her a couple times a year, if I'm lucky. We just live too far apart. She is one of the few that knows all there is to know about me, especially my flaws, and she loves me still. I appreciate that in her. Cyndi and I went through a phase in our friendship where we didn't speak. I don't even remember why but I'm sure she does. She joined the army and went to Germany and we kept in touch while she was there. We talked every few weeks. She's another constant. She has been through a lot of really rough times and she keeps her head above water somehow. She is invincible in my mind. I'm very proud of her. There are few people in life that find friends like these two and I consider myself so fortunate to have them. They are cherished. They are my family. If either of you happen to read this, know that I love you and it's time to pack your stuff up and head to Florida for a little fall vacation!