Last night Brian and I were having a conversation about some things in our marriage. It wasn't an argument, but just touching base about a couple of different issues. It was late and we were both tired and I wasn't really thinking clearly. I spoke without thinking and really hurt his feelings, I think. He got out of bed and let the dog out immediately. I knew as soon as it left my mouth that I had not chosen my words carefully. I couldn't seem to fix it after that either. I tried to explain what I meant, explain away my poor choice and I couldn't. We agreed that we should just go to sleep and talk about it today, which we haven't gotten to do yet because he is at work. (Oh yeah, I am unemployed right now, sort of)
I really hate that I let my mouth move faster than my head. Growing up, there was a lot of yelling in our house. That was the way we communicated and argued points. But the point got muddled by the yelling. I dated a guy once that would not even talk to me when I started this irrational behavior and it frustrated me to no end. I wanted to yell! I thought it was necessary to make my point. If I could yell louder than anyone else, I would win the argument just on that merit. Thank God I got over that! Brian hates yelling also so we discuss things. We keep to the subject and try to be calm and rational. We have the most well-thought out arguments, always being mindful of the others feelings and trying not to stray from the issues.
But last night I really just blew it and I can't take it back and I can't fix it. I know that we will talk about it this afternoon and all will be well. I just think that too many times we can save our feelings and other people's if we just choose our words carefully. I like to think that I have a pretty broad vocabulary since I have an English degree and study law, but it becomes negated at times in the heat of the moment and I speak to send daggers. I say those things that I can't take back and even choose words that don't encompass my point. I get twisted around the idea that what I am saying is so important that I need to get it out of my mouth now, without taking a moment to consider the consequences. I don't listen, I just want to talk because (especially with Brian) if you can just hear my side, which is so magical and perfect and absolute, you won't need your argument at all. You will agree with my brilliance (all of this said sarcastically).
I think that from now on, I will do what Jesus did and take a moment to draw in the dirt, collect myself. I know that I will continue to say things the wrong way and that I will hurt more feelings throughout life, but perhaps if I can spend a moment drawing in the dirt before I speak, I won't have to eat that dirt later.
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2 comments:
At least you know he's going to love you regardless. Trust me, men get over stuff WAAAAYYYYY quicker than women do. He may have even forgotten about it. I hope it works out for you.
How's the church hunt going?
Growing up I was always getting into arguments with my dad. we would argue, yell, and then both walk out of the room. i have this pet peev that i can not go to bed without everything being resolved with the ones that i love. i suppose it goes back to the scripture that talks about not letting the sun go down on an argument. anyway, i started just writting letters to my parents because this way i could say everything i wanted to say and not be triggered by what they said and say something i did not mean to say. because of this, it is really hard for me and my husband to have serious conversations because i am so afraid of saying something without thinking about it. learning to communicate is so hard, and this coming from a communications major. it is definitely a learning exprience.
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