My husband and I have a blog together, which is cool. But I really need a place of my own where I can talk about the most unimportant important things going through my mind.
Lately, it has been important for me to reconnect with those people that I miss most in my life-my former classmates from Emmanuel College. There are those that are constants, that have always been around for the last seven years. Then there are those that I have wondered about. Where are they? What are they doing? Are they happy with what they have chosen to be? My time in college was the most amazing. I had a family of friends and a group of support that I have never found since. I was swarmed daily with people that I love and people that I hated. And it was a beautiful thing. I miss that. Lately, I have longed to see faces and hear voices from my past. I have desired to be involved and in the know about the ones that got away and the ones that I let go of.
I am trying to remember when I got this old. I am only 28 and feeling like the best of my years are behind me. I ache in the morning as I roll out of bed to go to a mediocre job where I am overworked and severely underpaid. I hear high school students talking in the mall and I cringe at the mindlessness of the conversation.
But I have this husband-this wonderful counterpart that stabilizes every part of me. He is free and reckless and takes risks that terrify me to tears. Last year during the beginning of hurricane #1 that came through Polk County, he climbed onto our roof, getting as close to God as he could be at that moment...And I cried. I wanted him to come down and I yelled and called him foolish and drank a glass of wine to calm my nerves. But it's because I am jealous of his spirit. I don't take risks. I am not reckless. I worry. And he hates it, I know. But he is amazing and loves me as I quiver on the shore while he scuba dives. He tells me of his adventures of repelling down a 100 foot rock face and running out of air 30 feet under water while spear fishing. And I shake my head and roll my eyes and tell him how I want him around forever so he can't take these risks. And on the inside I live vicariously through his child-like freedom and pray to be brave enough to jump off the deep end.
1 comment:
Thanks! I have thought for many years about writing-it's something that I do just for me and my blog readers! I don't feel that I am wasted, I was just recently told that by someone else. I have much purpose and just because I am not in "full-time Ministry" doesn't negate my purpose. I plan for big things in my future. When i said the best of my years were behind me, it was just the way that I felt that day at that moment. That's pretty much the way my writing is. I'm glad you like it! I usually write every day about one thing or another so keep checking it! It always does me good to hear from you!
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