This morning was probably the most fun that I have had a Christmas, well, ever! Luke woke up a little earlier than he usually does. When we came out, he saw a giant red Radio Flier under the tree. His eyes got huge and I told him Santa had been here. He looked at me, looked back at the wagon and whispered, "Santa". It was perfect. After he got done opening things, which took quite a while because he wants to play with everything as soon as he opens it, I tried to get him out of his PJs and into a dry diaper and an outfit. He was too excited. He roamed around here in a diaper that was pretty much dragging the ground because it was so wet for almost an hour before Brian finally pinned him down and changed him. He wanted to go outside and play and we kept telling him that he had to have clothes on first. He disagreed. He promptly put on one shoe and continued to run as fast as he could all over the house, in just a diaper and one shoe. I could not stop laughing at him.
I look forward to next year when he will have an even greater understanding of what is happening. I tried to take him to see Santa this year so we could get a picture, but Luke was not interested and I didn't want to force him to sit on the strange man's lap. Santa waved at him, he glared back and told me he was ready to go. So no Santa this year.
I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Don't tell me what to do
I have a bit of heart-heaviness today. Feeling very emotional so thought I would write. This really is my best outlet, but I am going to go for a run later and see if that helps at all.
Yesterday, Brian came home and told me that there was a chance that he was going to have to have his radiation treatment next week. That would mean no Christmas. Once he has the treatment he has to be isolated for 2 days, then cannot be around children for an additional 3-5 days. Today, he emailed me from work and said that he won't be having it done until January. I was relieved.
One thing that the doctor did tell us was that we could not try to have another baby for a year after the treatment because of the risk to a fetus. I was devastated to hear that. If it were up to me, we would already be working on number two. The timing is terrible and we can't afford to have another baby. But, man, do I sure want one. I wanted our children to be close in age. Now they will be at least three years apart. There is also a slight risk that the radiation could effect our ability to have another baby.
Before I got pregnant with Luke, I wanted to have a baby for a long time. I remember a friend telling me that she was pregnant and being very, very happy for her, but only being able to cry out of sheer envy! I wanted to be a mommy. I have had to now resign myself to possibly only having one baby. Luke is amazing and if we only get one, then he is just perfect and all that I will ever need. I want to see him as a big brother. Just yesterday, he was so concerned about a little baby that was crying at the doctor's office that he wandered into her room and tried to kiss her little face. It was precious.
I was not a glowing, happy pregnant woman. In fact, I was just the opposite. I was fat, super fat, and uncomfortable. But every time he moved, I could almost cry. It was exhilarating. I am sad for anyone that is unable to have children. I think that has got to be one of the most difficult things to accept in life. I am honored that I was able to have a child and will never take that for granted.
So Brian is having his radiation in January and I don't think that there is any way that I can convince him to impregnate me before then. So we will deal with what is to come when it gets here, I guess. I am sad about it. And I think it's okay that I feel this way.
Yesterday, Brian came home and told me that there was a chance that he was going to have to have his radiation treatment next week. That would mean no Christmas. Once he has the treatment he has to be isolated for 2 days, then cannot be around children for an additional 3-5 days. Today, he emailed me from work and said that he won't be having it done until January. I was relieved.
One thing that the doctor did tell us was that we could not try to have another baby for a year after the treatment because of the risk to a fetus. I was devastated to hear that. If it were up to me, we would already be working on number two. The timing is terrible and we can't afford to have another baby. But, man, do I sure want one. I wanted our children to be close in age. Now they will be at least three years apart. There is also a slight risk that the radiation could effect our ability to have another baby.
Before I got pregnant with Luke, I wanted to have a baby for a long time. I remember a friend telling me that she was pregnant and being very, very happy for her, but only being able to cry out of sheer envy! I wanted to be a mommy. I have had to now resign myself to possibly only having one baby. Luke is amazing and if we only get one, then he is just perfect and all that I will ever need. I want to see him as a big brother. Just yesterday, he was so concerned about a little baby that was crying at the doctor's office that he wandered into her room and tried to kiss her little face. It was precious.
I was not a glowing, happy pregnant woman. In fact, I was just the opposite. I was fat, super fat, and uncomfortable. But every time he moved, I could almost cry. It was exhilarating. I am sad for anyone that is unable to have children. I think that has got to be one of the most difficult things to accept in life. I am honored that I was able to have a child and will never take that for granted.
So Brian is having his radiation in January and I don't think that there is any way that I can convince him to impregnate me before then. So we will deal with what is to come when it gets here, I guess. I am sad about it. And I think it's okay that I feel this way.
Friday, December 12, 2008
poo
I cannot and will not get excited about poo in any fashion. I have never seen poo and been thrilled. I have only treated poo as it should be treated; with disdane, disgust, holding the vomit in the back of my throat as I rid whatever (ie shoes, baby bottoms) of the stench that is poo.
Luke decided last night that he wanted to sit on the big potty. We took his diaper off and Brian held him on the toilet as he said words like "pee-pee" and "poo" and seemed to understand that was the place to do it. I immediately read up on potty training (only to find that it is actually called "toilet learning") and prepared for cleaning up accidents. I did not, however, realize that toilet learning involves being excited and cheering on a bowel movement. How horrifying! The book said to take Luke into the bathroom with me, explain to him what it is, in detail, that Mommy is doing on the potty. Then, show him what is in the potty when mommy is finished and let him flush it away. YUCK! I WILL NOT! I will not cheer about poo. I will not show someone else, even if it is my own spawn, my poo. The idea repulses me in every way.
Granted, I am all about getting Luke out of diapers and using the potty. I am just not exactly willing to do all that it takes to get there. I can't imagine calling friends to tell them about Luke and his poo. "oh my gosh. you should have seen it! It was amazing!" (insert random throwing-up noises here)Luckily, my husband is just gross enough to do all of this for me. Call me a bad mother if you would like. Then call me and tell me that YOU are going to come over and clap for a BM! I will gladly oblige!
Luke decided last night that he wanted to sit on the big potty. We took his diaper off and Brian held him on the toilet as he said words like "pee-pee" and "poo" and seemed to understand that was the place to do it. I immediately read up on potty training (only to find that it is actually called "toilet learning") and prepared for cleaning up accidents. I did not, however, realize that toilet learning involves being excited and cheering on a bowel movement. How horrifying! The book said to take Luke into the bathroom with me, explain to him what it is, in detail, that Mommy is doing on the potty. Then, show him what is in the potty when mommy is finished and let him flush it away. YUCK! I WILL NOT! I will not cheer about poo. I will not show someone else, even if it is my own spawn, my poo. The idea repulses me in every way.
Granted, I am all about getting Luke out of diapers and using the potty. I am just not exactly willing to do all that it takes to get there. I can't imagine calling friends to tell them about Luke and his poo. "oh my gosh. you should have seen it! It was amazing!" (insert random throwing-up noises here)Luckily, my husband is just gross enough to do all of this for me. Call me a bad mother if you would like. Then call me and tell me that YOU are going to come over and clap for a BM! I will gladly oblige!
Monday, December 08, 2008
I'm sorry
What will make it better? Are there moments when you forget that you are alone now? Did the cards sent and graveside flowers make you miss any less? Does it help to know that people are here for you, or would you rather not hear another apology and offer of kindness? Why do these things happen? why do the rest of us get to continue on with every day while you stop and hold, and hold nothing? How much life do you have to live? A sacrifice that I cannot make and will not make, and you did, and now it's over. Life should be starting over. Instead, it is starting backward.
It's so easy to take for granted the day-to-day. Meals together, morning-breath kisses, having extra laundry to wash. I do it constantly. He comes home, we explain our days, finally remember to greet him with a hug and kiss, and then it's into the kitchen for dinner making and dish washing. End the day with the same routine and back again tomorrow. Wanting to take advantage of every moment, yet still trapped in the same old.
Sorry doesn't cut it for you, so I won't say it again. I will be angry for you and sad for you and confused for you. I will ask God why and still have no answer. I will run. And I will hope that you can heal, but I wonder if you will, and I don't know if you should. I would take a little away. Just a little. I could not handle it all.
It's so easy to take for granted the day-to-day. Meals together, morning-breath kisses, having extra laundry to wash. I do it constantly. He comes home, we explain our days, finally remember to greet him with a hug and kiss, and then it's into the kitchen for dinner making and dish washing. End the day with the same routine and back again tomorrow. Wanting to take advantage of every moment, yet still trapped in the same old.
Sorry doesn't cut it for you, so I won't say it again. I will be angry for you and sad for you and confused for you. I will ask God why and still have no answer. I will run. And I will hope that you can heal, but I wonder if you will, and I don't know if you should. I would take a little away. Just a little. I could not handle it all.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Runnin' down a dream
For those of you that know anything about me at all, you know that I hate running. I don't like anything about it. I don't like the way that I feel when I am doing in or after I am finished. I have stated over and over that I will only run if someone is chasing me. Well all that is about to change, my friends. I have decided to start "training" for a 5k that is in March. It's a charity/memorial race for a friend of mine whose wife passed away very suddenly a few months ago. I never met her but the news of her death was very tragic and hit Brian and I both very hard. So I decided that this would be a great reason to see if I could develop a good relationship with running.
My first step was to email my sister-in-law, who is an avid runner and triathlete for advice on how to get started and what kind of equipment I needed (ie shoes, jogging stroller). That first step is behind me. Now I need to convince Brian that if we spend money on shoes, a stroller and some tight running pants, I will actually use those things and run. I don't know if I can do that but I will give it a try.
After my surgery last summer on my leg, I swore that once I got off the crutches, I would spend lots of time walking and running, doing things that I couldn't do at that moment. I do walk quite a bit, but have never conquered my hatred of running. I may have suffered some psychological damage from a "running" related incedent. I will close my post with a recap of the tale:
Once I was walking quickly around Lake Hollinsworth. I had on regular walking clothes, regular walking shoes, hair pulled back in a regular ponytail. As I neared that halfway point of my walk. A car drove up next to me slowly and someone yelled out the window, "FREAK" in a very loud, obnoxious voice. I was then self-conscious and afraid to take another step. Remember that moment like it was yesterday, and am scared that it could happen again. Not quite sure what made me freakish on that day, but plan to figure it out before I try running.
My first step was to email my sister-in-law, who is an avid runner and triathlete for advice on how to get started and what kind of equipment I needed (ie shoes, jogging stroller). That first step is behind me. Now I need to convince Brian that if we spend money on shoes, a stroller and some tight running pants, I will actually use those things and run. I don't know if I can do that but I will give it a try.
After my surgery last summer on my leg, I swore that once I got off the crutches, I would spend lots of time walking and running, doing things that I couldn't do at that moment. I do walk quite a bit, but have never conquered my hatred of running. I may have suffered some psychological damage from a "running" related incedent. I will close my post with a recap of the tale:
Once I was walking quickly around Lake Hollinsworth. I had on regular walking clothes, regular walking shoes, hair pulled back in a regular ponytail. As I neared that halfway point of my walk. A car drove up next to me slowly and someone yelled out the window, "FREAK" in a very loud, obnoxious voice. I was then self-conscious and afraid to take another step. Remember that moment like it was yesterday, and am scared that it could happen again. Not quite sure what made me freakish on that day, but plan to figure it out before I try running.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I'm in big trouble
On Saturday I am scheduled to take the South Carolina English education exam. It's a two part test consisting of grammar, literature, an essay question about who knows what and how to teach all of those things in grades 7 through 12. I officially screwed. I have been trying to study, bought a study guide and everything, but between caring for a 17 month old child, a grown man who just had his thyroid taken out, working and trying to remember to feed us all, I have procrastinated. And I am doing that now as I write this instead. I took the practice test and missed ONE THIRD of the questions. That's a lot of questions. There were 10 that I left blank because I couldn't even remember the author/literary device/teaching strategy that applied. Let's just go ahead and top it off now with a sick child, so I had about 3 hours of sleep last night and I am anticipating about the same again this evening. So, instead of napping or studying, the two things that I should be doing now, I am trying to get sympathy from my fellow bloggers and I am soliciting prayer as well. I am in way over my head at this point and can only hope that the 3 years that I spent teaching will suddenly flood over me, AND that I will somehow end up with a test designed for people with special needs.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I am not afraid. The unknown is scary and baffling and harsh, but I am not afraid. I feel the breeze on my face and hold the rain in my hand. I see the leaves changing and smell my son's hair when he comes inside after sweating in the yard with his daddy and I am not afraid. I am wrapped in arms that made the universe and are still small enough for me to hold. I can close my eyes when the tears come and see the face of my husband standing with me through tough times and reminding that we are going to be okay. Now I can return that for him. I don't worry about what is to come. I welcome it. I want to see where this rabbit hole is going to go.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Brian
Brian got the results back from his biopsy yesterday and it was not the news we wanted to hear. He has papillary carcinoma, a form of thyroid cancer. The doctor suggested removing the thyroid to insure that there is no recurrence. He will do that on October 23rd. They will check to see if it has spread to any other organs. There is a risk in the surgery of paralysis to the vocal chords but the doctor said that is slim. The doctor is very optimistic that he will be able to remove all the cancer without any chemo or radiation.
Brian is very scared right now. My biggest concern is for his mental state. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. He is devastated, understandably. Please be in prayer for him and keep calling. Eventually, I know he will answer. I will keep you updated on his progress. Please pass this on to anyone who knows us, or anyone who will pray. Thank you!!
Brian is very scared right now. My biggest concern is for his mental state. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. He is devastated, understandably. Please be in prayer for him and keep calling. Eventually, I know he will answer. I will keep you updated on his progress. Please pass this on to anyone who knows us, or anyone who will pray. Thank you!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
what the...
Who decided that it would be a great idea for New Kids on the Block to reunite? And, more importantly, why didn't they do it at the peak of the "boy band" movement of the late 90's?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Fragile
This week seems to have bombarded me with horror stories of sickness and death. A two year child receiving chemo for the rarest form of Leukemia on the planet. The wife of a friend, the picture of health, a fitness instructor, suddenly passes and the doctors have yet to figure out why all of her internal organs just stopped working. Leaving behind a two year old child and a husband who recently returned from Afghanistan defending my right to sit here and post this.
When we packed our house to move here, certain things were carefully wrapped in newspaper and placed gently into a box that was quickly marked "FRAGILE". The boxes were marked over and over, on all sides to ensure that whomever was lifting and moving it would know that the contents were important, special and breakable. Even still, in spite of all my efforts to protect those items, some things got broken. They were lost and thrown away, but they were all easily replaced by a trip to Target. However, this heavy dose of reality that I have received makes it all to evident that life is just so fragile. Marked on all sides, carefully packaged and planned, and still very easily lost. Unfortunately, not replaceable.
I think of this little girl who will not ever know her mother. I wonder if there is any chance that the 18 months spent with her could leave a memory. I want to believe that things like this just don't happen. I think of her father and grandparents, aunts and uncles telling her about her own mother, showing her pictures and telling her, "look, this is your mommy. She is with Jesus now" and trying to explain why it is that God could allow this to happen. I wonder what people would tell Luke if something happened to me. I would hope that someone would show him my blog.
I am lost in this fragility right now. I want to live forever, but recognize that it could all change tomorrow. I am terrified of this. I am broken now in a very different way. I don't understand and I can't be one of those people that reasons things away by calling it "God's will". Mostly because I can't fathom God's will. I am praying for this family and many others, but I don't know how much comfort hearing about how I am praying, can give someone who is probably very angry with God. I can only continue to do so and can selfishly live in this fragile place, doing all I can to get out of the box in one piece.
When we packed our house to move here, certain things were carefully wrapped in newspaper and placed gently into a box that was quickly marked "FRAGILE". The boxes were marked over and over, on all sides to ensure that whomever was lifting and moving it would know that the contents were important, special and breakable. Even still, in spite of all my efforts to protect those items, some things got broken. They were lost and thrown away, but they were all easily replaced by a trip to Target. However, this heavy dose of reality that I have received makes it all to evident that life is just so fragile. Marked on all sides, carefully packaged and planned, and still very easily lost. Unfortunately, not replaceable.
I think of this little girl who will not ever know her mother. I wonder if there is any chance that the 18 months spent with her could leave a memory. I want to believe that things like this just don't happen. I think of her father and grandparents, aunts and uncles telling her about her own mother, showing her pictures and telling her, "look, this is your mommy. She is with Jesus now" and trying to explain why it is that God could allow this to happen. I wonder what people would tell Luke if something happened to me. I would hope that someone would show him my blog.
I am lost in this fragility right now. I want to live forever, but recognize that it could all change tomorrow. I am terrified of this. I am broken now in a very different way. I don't understand and I can't be one of those people that reasons things away by calling it "God's will". Mostly because I can't fathom God's will. I am praying for this family and many others, but I don't know how much comfort hearing about how I am praying, can give someone who is probably very angry with God. I can only continue to do so and can selfishly live in this fragile place, doing all I can to get out of the box in one piece.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Settling in
Things have not been so easy since we arrived here in Charleston. Our moving day started with Luke, under my not so watchful eye, fell down a flight of stairs in Charlotte while Brian was out getting the Uhaul. I was devastated, he was perfectly fine.
Once we got to Charleston, the air conditioner in our new apartment broke while we were in the process of moving in. It was 86 degrees inside and we were already sweating from the unpacking. Frustrating!
Our new apartment was not only NOT clean, it was infested with fleas. We had to have it bombed, but they didn't do it before we actually got in, so we had to evacuate for a day so they could do it. They also hadn't cleaned the carpets and the former tenants were smokers. Yet another day of evacuating so that could be done! Very frustrating!
However, in spite of all the horrors of apartment living and moving, we are finally settled in. Brian and I were able to have a date too. We went to Folly beach (which is only 5 minutes up the road) and found a rooftop bar. There was a band playing and preseason football on the TV. We obviously fell in love with the place. I felt like I was on vacation but I actually get to live here!
Still feeling quite overwhelmed with the move and another transition, but that's a whole other post...
Once we got to Charleston, the air conditioner in our new apartment broke while we were in the process of moving in. It was 86 degrees inside and we were already sweating from the unpacking. Frustrating!
Our new apartment was not only NOT clean, it was infested with fleas. We had to have it bombed, but they didn't do it before we actually got in, so we had to evacuate for a day so they could do it. They also hadn't cleaned the carpets and the former tenants were smokers. Yet another day of evacuating so that could be done! Very frustrating!
However, in spite of all the horrors of apartment living and moving, we are finally settled in. Brian and I were able to have a date too. We went to Folly beach (which is only 5 minutes up the road) and found a rooftop bar. There was a band playing and preseason football on the TV. We obviously fell in love with the place. I felt like I was on vacation but I actually get to live here!
Still feeling quite overwhelmed with the move and another transition, but that's a whole other post...
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Pack it up, light it up and let it fly...
TWO WEEKS AND COUNTING!!!
We found an apartment on James Island in Charleston. We will be living 5 minutes Folly Beach and 3 miles to Brian's school. We pack up the truck here on July 30, head to Brian's mom's house for a quick stop over. We will be storing some things in her garage since we are going from a 2200 square foot house to a two bedroom apartment! All I can think of is how easy it will be to clean such a small place. We have already got every single non-essential thing in the house packed, and some things that we will probably need before we go but OH WELL!! I am just ready for the move to be over. We were also able to find renters for our house here in Charlotte, which is fantastic! We won't lose any money on our lease.
I have started the process of getting my teaching certification in Charleston. I need to go back to work and decided that teaching really is the best option. Brian and I will have the same days off and we can spend our summer's enjoying our time with Luke. We now how to find a suitable day care center for Luke, which makes me very nervous, but he loves other children and I think it will be good for him, and for me too. I am looking forward to getting back into the classroom and I am even thinking about teaching younger kids (middle school) this time around. We shall see!
Lots of goings on here in the Garvin house. I can't wait until I can get back to writing on here about nothing!
We found an apartment on James Island in Charleston. We will be living 5 minutes Folly Beach and 3 miles to Brian's school. We pack up the truck here on July 30, head to Brian's mom's house for a quick stop over. We will be storing some things in her garage since we are going from a 2200 square foot house to a two bedroom apartment! All I can think of is how easy it will be to clean such a small place. We have already got every single non-essential thing in the house packed, and some things that we will probably need before we go but OH WELL!! I am just ready for the move to be over. We were also able to find renters for our house here in Charlotte, which is fantastic! We won't lose any money on our lease.
I have started the process of getting my teaching certification in Charleston. I need to go back to work and decided that teaching really is the best option. Brian and I will have the same days off and we can spend our summer's enjoying our time with Luke. We now how to find a suitable day care center for Luke, which makes me very nervous, but he loves other children and I think it will be good for him, and for me too. I am looking forward to getting back into the classroom and I am even thinking about teaching younger kids (middle school) this time around. We shall see!
Lots of goings on here in the Garvin house. I can't wait until I can get back to writing on here about nothing!
Friday, June 27, 2008
My little man and other stuff too
Last week was Luke's first birthday and it was perfect. We were honored to have a lot of friends and family here with us, including the Deals who came from NC, the Pates, the Sikes family minus one, and Luke's Maddie, of course. We had a great day. Luke is getting so big, I can't believe he is the same little baby that was born just a year ago.
This week, Luke had another first, his first ear infection! Yipee!! We took him to the doctor because he had a cough, he never gave us any indication that he wasn't feeling well, except the cough! He is also teething again-working on getting tooth #13!!
He is also quite tricky. This week he hid his broccoli under his sippy cup. I thought he was eating it and kept giving him more. When he was done and I picked up his cup, there is was, all of it. He got me good. I didn't think he was old enough to hid food yet. Brian hid his broccoli too, in the trash.
We are heading to Brian's mom's house next week for a couple days of R and R, then we are leaving Luke in Furman and heading to Charleston for a couple days to find a new place. Wish us luck...finding a place and leaving Luke. This will be the first time that I have left him overnight and I have to say, as capable as his Maddie is, I am still nervous about it and I am sure that I will be calling all the time. While in Charleston, we will be staying with some close friends of mine from college. Dawn was one of my many room mates and Kenneth and I worked together for about a year. They are wonderful people and we are looking forward to being close to them. Kenneth and Brian have already agreed to learn how to kite surf together. Should be interesting!
I have started packing up the house and it is very different than when we left Lakeland. I am anxious to get out of here! I was sad to leave my home in Lakeland for the uncertainty that was to come. I am so ready to get out of here, I have already taken the pictures off the walls, packed all my clothes and shoes that I won't be needing for the next month, and packed up half the kitchen. I guess that's what paper plates are for!!
This week, Luke had another first, his first ear infection! Yipee!! We took him to the doctor because he had a cough, he never gave us any indication that he wasn't feeling well, except the cough! He is also teething again-working on getting tooth #13!!
He is also quite tricky. This week he hid his broccoli under his sippy cup. I thought he was eating it and kept giving him more. When he was done and I picked up his cup, there is was, all of it. He got me good. I didn't think he was old enough to hid food yet. Brian hid his broccoli too, in the trash.
We are heading to Brian's mom's house next week for a couple days of R and R, then we are leaving Luke in Furman and heading to Charleston for a couple days to find a new place. Wish us luck...finding a place and leaving Luke. This will be the first time that I have left him overnight and I have to say, as capable as his Maddie is, I am still nervous about it and I am sure that I will be calling all the time. While in Charleston, we will be staying with some close friends of mine from college. Dawn was one of my many room mates and Kenneth and I worked together for about a year. They are wonderful people and we are looking forward to being close to them. Kenneth and Brian have already agreed to learn how to kite surf together. Should be interesting!
I have started packing up the house and it is very different than when we left Lakeland. I am anxious to get out of here! I was sad to leave my home in Lakeland for the uncertainty that was to come. I am so ready to get out of here, I have already taken the pictures off the walls, packed all my clothes and shoes that I won't be needing for the next month, and packed up half the kitchen. I guess that's what paper plates are for!!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Things I am thankful for-summer addition
As the weather warms up, I have decided that I should express my gratitude for those things that make summer easier. By the time the actual Thanksgiving holiday rolls around, I won't be thinking of these anymore so here goes.
Streak-free sunless tanning lotion~ For anyone who has ever seen me in shorts, you know this is a priority!
Secret Clinical strength deodorant~ Tank tops are the worst for perspiring!
Sunblock~ all SPF's
Make-up with SPF in it~ once again, due to the pasty whiteness
Watermelon~ It makes me feel like a kid again
Flip-flops~ The perfect shoe! Nothing beats a good pair
Air conditioning~ Who doesn't love it? (everyone but you, Mortons)
Bermuda shorts~ I am so glad that the "daisy duke" style of shorts is gone!
Capri pants~ again due to the pasty whiteness
Ponytail holders~ the inventor was a genius. Thank you, whoever you were!
Pedicures~ Even though I haven't had one in sometime, I know that I will soon and it just feels like summer
Please feel free to add your own giving of thanks for the things that are summer to you. I am sure that there are plenty of things that I have forgotten.
Streak-free sunless tanning lotion~ For anyone who has ever seen me in shorts, you know this is a priority!
Secret Clinical strength deodorant~ Tank tops are the worst for perspiring!
Sunblock~ all SPF's
Make-up with SPF in it~ once again, due to the pasty whiteness
Watermelon~ It makes me feel like a kid again
Flip-flops~ The perfect shoe! Nothing beats a good pair
Air conditioning~ Who doesn't love it? (everyone but you, Mortons)
Bermuda shorts~ I am so glad that the "daisy duke" style of shorts is gone!
Capri pants~ again due to the pasty whiteness
Ponytail holders~ the inventor was a genius. Thank you, whoever you were!
Pedicures~ Even though I haven't had one in sometime, I know that I will soon and it just feels like summer
Please feel free to add your own giving of thanks for the things that are summer to you. I am sure that there are plenty of things that I have forgotten.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
New News
This has been a very crazy week. Tuesday, I headed out the the cancer center in Winston-Salem for another MRI on my calf for my fibromatosis. This is the 6th MRI I have had since last July. My last once showed positive findings for a possible recurrance and with the luck we have been having lately, I assumed the worst. I did, however, get a good report. My tumor has not come backand I don't have to have another MRI until a year from now!! As I was driving home, thrilled with my good news, a rock hit my windshield and cracked it pretty severely. I couldn't do anything but laugh at that. It was just ridiculous.
Luke had his EEG on Wednesday and the test went great. We put him to bed at 11:30pm and woke him at 4 am to make sure that he was sleep deprived. It was exhausting but he slept through the whole thing, which was exactly what we needed him to do. Today we met with the neurologist. He said that Luke's EEg was normal, which enabled us to rule out a couple things; Tourette's disorder and Infantile spasms. We have not been able to rule out seizures. The next step is that we have to keep a journal of Luke' s behavior. We have to first, see if he is having the episodes in his sleep, which means staying up and watching him sleep. Brian and I will take turns staying up for a couple nights to see if it happens. Secondly, we have to see if there is some activity that triggers the episodes, such as being excited, tired, playing or reading. The last test we can do at home is that, during an episode, we have to try to distract him out of it by touching him or talking to him. If he doesn't have them in his sleep, if they are triggered by a stimulus and if we can distract him out of it, it is not a seizure that he is having, but just his body's response to something.
Our doctor answered a laundry list of questions and really conforted us during this time. If we do feel like he is having seizures, they would do an extensive monitor of his brain and try to capture these episodes with the EEG. That would involve hooking the monitors to Luke's head for a 3 day period. We REALLY don't want to do this test (imagine a one year old with wires hooked up for 3 days, Luke won't even wear hats!) so it is a last resort for us at this point. The doctor is going to review the videos of the episodes with several other doctors and give us his opinion based on that. So it's still a little bit of a waiting game at this point but we are able to relax knowing that his brain is working perfectly!
Luke had his EEG on Wednesday and the test went great. We put him to bed at 11:30pm and woke him at 4 am to make sure that he was sleep deprived. It was exhausting but he slept through the whole thing, which was exactly what we needed him to do. Today we met with the neurologist. He said that Luke's EEg was normal, which enabled us to rule out a couple things; Tourette's disorder and Infantile spasms. We have not been able to rule out seizures. The next step is that we have to keep a journal of Luke' s behavior. We have to first, see if he is having the episodes in his sleep, which means staying up and watching him sleep. Brian and I will take turns staying up for a couple nights to see if it happens. Secondly, we have to see if there is some activity that triggers the episodes, such as being excited, tired, playing or reading. The last test we can do at home is that, during an episode, we have to try to distract him out of it by touching him or talking to him. If he doesn't have them in his sleep, if they are triggered by a stimulus and if we can distract him out of it, it is not a seizure that he is having, but just his body's response to something.
Our doctor answered a laundry list of questions and really conforted us during this time. If we do feel like he is having seizures, they would do an extensive monitor of his brain and try to capture these episodes with the EEG. That would involve hooking the monitors to Luke's head for a 3 day period. We REALLY don't want to do this test (imagine a one year old with wires hooked up for 3 days, Luke won't even wear hats!) so it is a last resort for us at this point. The doctor is going to review the videos of the episodes with several other doctors and give us his opinion based on that. So it's still a little bit of a waiting game at this point but we are able to relax knowing that his brain is working perfectly!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Another Luke update
Well we have been waiting for the last 2 weeks to meet with the neurologist concerning Luke's testing that we had done. Our appointment was to be on Wednesday and we are sure ready for some answers. Well, it looks like we have to do the EEG test over again. They hook up electrodes to his head and monitor his brain activity for 20 minutes. They want him to be asleep when they do the test and he woke up during the last one so we have to do it over. SO we have to put him to bed around midnight and wake him up at 5 am. Then we have to keep him awake until we get to the doctor, which is not easy to do in the car, and then put him to sleep once we get there. PLease, Please, please, pray like you've never prayed before that he stays asleep this time. If all goes well, we will meet with the neurologist on Thursday and, hopefully, get some answers. It is crucial though that he sleep during the test. Thank you for your thoughts and concerns for us during this crazy time. I think that for me, personally, I can handle everything that is going on as long as I know that Luke is okay!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Why?
Preface- This is going to be a bad, selfish post, jammed full of negative energy and bitter sentiment. I will preface by saying that I know that there are people all over the world with much, much worse problems then ours, but currently I don't think I know any of them and I feel like complaining.
Once again the Garvin's have been hit with bad news. Brian had a teaching job lined up for the school year next year. We got the call yesterday and thanks to budget cuts, they have revoked his contract. This coming now that the education job fair is over and most teaching positions in the county have been filled. So we are basically back to where we were in January, except now we have a sick child. Oh and my tumor in my leg may be back. Have to have another MRI on Tuesday because the last one showed positive findings.
I just don't get it. I don't know why bad things just keep happening to us. I wake up every day and wonder, "what now?". Of course, the last time I said that, Luke started having his tics and seizures, so I'm scared to ask. That job was the one and ONLY bright spot in an otherwise dismal year. I have been as strong as I know how to be, trusting that God would supply for us and care for us, but I am out of strength. My heart is broken for my husband, who has sent out 750+ resumes in the last 6 months. He has been trying so hard to find work and to take care of us. I just don't understand why all the doors keep closing. Go ahead and say it, "the darkest hour is just before the dawn", "every cloud has a silver lining", "God will make a way". All I hear at this point is "blah, blah, blah". I am tired, exhausted, miserable, sick of feeling like God has left us alone in the dessert to be eaten alive by vultures. I have nothing left to offer in the way of support for Brian. I want to get under the covers and just cry my eyes out until something changes. Did we make a mistake leaving Florida? Should we not have come to Charlotte? What are we doing wrong? I have heard so much encouragement and people telling us that they are praying and I am starting to wonder if God hears the name "Garvin" and just stops listening. (I know that God hears all prayers but I am just pissed off right now). Yes my faith is wavering. My hope is gone. I can't ask God to help us anymore because I don't even know what to pray. I am just...done. That's the only word I can think of. At some point I just want us to be able to enjoy our lives together with our son. I feel like we haven't had a chance to really do that since he has been born, not to mention the stress on our relationship. We make the best of it and luckily, we can communicate about how we are feeling but we work so hard at everything else right now that it's a little difficult to work our marriage. We need a date night or something, but honestly don't want to spend the money to do it because, once again, we don't know when we will have a pay check.
I am angry and frustrated and sad. My heart is broken and I am scared. I am tired most of all, emotionally exhausted. I just don't know what to do.
Once again the Garvin's have been hit with bad news. Brian had a teaching job lined up for the school year next year. We got the call yesterday and thanks to budget cuts, they have revoked his contract. This coming now that the education job fair is over and most teaching positions in the county have been filled. So we are basically back to where we were in January, except now we have a sick child. Oh and my tumor in my leg may be back. Have to have another MRI on Tuesday because the last one showed positive findings.
I just don't get it. I don't know why bad things just keep happening to us. I wake up every day and wonder, "what now?". Of course, the last time I said that, Luke started having his tics and seizures, so I'm scared to ask. That job was the one and ONLY bright spot in an otherwise dismal year. I have been as strong as I know how to be, trusting that God would supply for us and care for us, but I am out of strength. My heart is broken for my husband, who has sent out 750+ resumes in the last 6 months. He has been trying so hard to find work and to take care of us. I just don't understand why all the doors keep closing. Go ahead and say it, "the darkest hour is just before the dawn", "every cloud has a silver lining", "God will make a way". All I hear at this point is "blah, blah, blah". I am tired, exhausted, miserable, sick of feeling like God has left us alone in the dessert to be eaten alive by vultures. I have nothing left to offer in the way of support for Brian. I want to get under the covers and just cry my eyes out until something changes. Did we make a mistake leaving Florida? Should we not have come to Charlotte? What are we doing wrong? I have heard so much encouragement and people telling us that they are praying and I am starting to wonder if God hears the name "Garvin" and just stops listening. (I know that God hears all prayers but I am just pissed off right now). Yes my faith is wavering. My hope is gone. I can't ask God to help us anymore because I don't even know what to pray. I am just...done. That's the only word I can think of. At some point I just want us to be able to enjoy our lives together with our son. I feel like we haven't had a chance to really do that since he has been born, not to mention the stress on our relationship. We make the best of it and luckily, we can communicate about how we are feeling but we work so hard at everything else right now that it's a little difficult to work our marriage. We need a date night or something, but honestly don't want to spend the money to do it because, once again, we don't know when we will have a pay check.
I am angry and frustrated and sad. My heart is broken and I am scared. I am tired most of all, emotionally exhausted. I just don't know what to do.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Just for the moms
I think that today is the best day on the calendar. I think that mothers should be celebrated as often as possible, especially now that I am one! Mothers do way more than kiss boo-boos, pick out clothes for the day, change diapers. We are critics of TV and radio, selecting only the most appropriate things for our children to watch and listen to. We are storytellers, reading endless books with great enthusiasm. We are chefs and nutritionists, making sure that our children are getting a balanced meal as often as they are willing to NOT throw the peas onto the floor or eat the grass or dirt off of it (especially at Luke's age). We are imagineers, convincing our children that the cardboard box they are sitting in is really a cabin in the Alaskan wilderness and a bear (our dog Jake really) is coming to get them. We are heart-breakers, our own and our children's. Nothing is more difficult than having to say no, or standing my ground when Luke wants me to hold him while I am trying to cook dinner or type this email to all of my mommy friends).We are meteorologists, being certain ever day we know what the weather will do so we know how to dress our little ones. We are magicians, magically making the remote control, cell phone, laptop, etc disappear so that our babies can't break them. We are fitness instructors, leading our children through a routine of heart-pumping play and walking exercises. We are spotters, making sure that every bad fall is cushioned if we can, holding up babies by their hands as they learn to walk. We are mourners, expressing our deepest emotions for the cuts and scrapes and barely being able to hold it together for anything more serious than that (trust me, I know!!). We are coaches, teachers, pharmacists, nurses, chauffeurs, housekeepers, singers and songwriters (I make up the craziest songs about drool and poo! I should win a Grammy), peacekeepers and war-starters. I could go on and on. Don't forget that we are also wives and sisters, daughters and aunts. We as women, not just mothers, take on more roles that we can even keep up with.
We are harder on ourselves than anyone could be on us. We try hard, and then we try harder. We become angry when we forget to pack an extra outfit in the diaper bag, or our freakishly strong child tips him/herself over in their high chair (right, Amanda?). We wish that we had the time or the energy to be the sex symbol that our husbands want us to be after a day that starts at the crack of dawn and ends when the Tylenol PM kicks in. We are our worst critics, our own judge and jury. What we should be doing is celebrating our victories and letting it slide every now and then when we don't see our child bump his head, eat a bug, or stick his hands in the toilet then wipe mommy's face with a mysterious wet hand.
I love being a mother, and I love being Luke's mother. And I am good at what I do, most of the time. Sure I have meltdowns, I hand him to his daddy and proclaim my freedom and that I am officially done. I forget to change a diaper every now and then, until it's literally dragging the floor in between his legs (if it doesn't stink, I don't think about it sometimes). But I strive daily to be the best mother I can be. I pray for wisdom, strength, and an eating disorder so I can finally lose these last 10 (or 20) baby pounds. I pray for anti-gravity to take over my prodigal breasts and that they will return home.
Anyways, I say all of this to tell all of you that I love you and your "motherness". It's beautiful. And even if your spouse and children don't do it, celebrate yourself. Do it for me. Enjoy what it is that you bring to the world. You are truly, truly amazing!! I know, because I am too!!
We are harder on ourselves than anyone could be on us. We try hard, and then we try harder. We become angry when we forget to pack an extra outfit in the diaper bag, or our freakishly strong child tips him/herself over in their high chair (right, Amanda?). We wish that we had the time or the energy to be the sex symbol that our husbands want us to be after a day that starts at the crack of dawn and ends when the Tylenol PM kicks in. We are our worst critics, our own judge and jury. What we should be doing is celebrating our victories and letting it slide every now and then when we don't see our child bump his head, eat a bug, or stick his hands in the toilet then wipe mommy's face with a mysterious wet hand.
I love being a mother, and I love being Luke's mother. And I am good at what I do, most of the time. Sure I have meltdowns, I hand him to his daddy and proclaim my freedom and that I am officially done. I forget to change a diaper every now and then, until it's literally dragging the floor in between his legs (if it doesn't stink, I don't think about it sometimes). But I strive daily to be the best mother I can be. I pray for wisdom, strength, and an eating disorder so I can finally lose these last 10 (or 20) baby pounds. I pray for anti-gravity to take over my prodigal breasts and that they will return home.
Anyways, I say all of this to tell all of you that I love you and your "motherness". It's beautiful. And even if your spouse and children don't do it, celebrate yourself. Do it for me. Enjoy what it is that you bring to the world. You are truly, truly amazing!! I know, because I am too!!
Friday, May 09, 2008
quick update
We went to the radiologist this morning to have an EEG. They hooked up wires to his head and chest to monitor his brain activity. They wanted him to be asleep during the procedure so I woke him at 4am. He still decided that napping was not what he wanted to do. He tried to pull all the wires off. I held him for the duration of the testing, but they are now telling us that we may have to do it again because he wouldn't sleep. I know they weren't hurting him, but just watching him there with all those wires attached to his head, broke my heart!
The things that now has me nice and frustrated is that we can't meet with the neurologist until the 21st. So that means two more weeks of waiting to find out what is going on. I hate waiting. I want someone to tell me NOW what is going on. So I guess I will have another update in a couple weeks and I will also let you know if we have to have the test over. Thank you all again for your prayers and concerns.
The things that now has me nice and frustrated is that we can't meet with the neurologist until the 21st. So that means two more weeks of waiting to find out what is going on. I hate waiting. I want someone to tell me NOW what is going on. So I guess I will have another update in a couple weeks and I will also let you know if we have to have the test over. Thank you all again for your prayers and concerns.
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